ChazSpot

Failure

2008-05-24T13:35:00.009-04:00

It appears a common theme in Internet forums is for people to comment on a thread with a four-lettered “F” word to perfectly sum up how they feel about others. It seems that angered Internet forum commenters have become either so disenfranchised at the idea of starting a serious conversation with text on a screen or just flat out lazy.

The term “Fail” has sprung up in my daily life. This is partly due to the fact that some people I work with use Internet slang in colloquial speech, i.e. “gg” instead of good job, LOL, and so forth. Fail has cropped up as a catchall phrase when anybody does anything wrong or didn’t hear something someone said or basically as a condescending retort to just about anything anyone says. It’s obnoxious and it really forces people to attempt to not “fail” so they don’t get bombarded with condemnation.

Very recently I had to acknowledge my own failure. Not in some cutesy internet-slang kind of way, but with a living creature. I failed with the generally simple task of owning a dog. Let me back track a little. Ash and I had adopted a dog in a means of keeping us busy and giving us something to focus on as life, at the time, wasn’t the greatest. Quickly things changed, we both got very demanding jobs that are both time and attention intensive. Thus leaving our poor dog, Eko, caged the vast majority of the time. The poor boy hated it and began lashing out at us, peeing on the couch and bed.

Everyone was unhappy with the situation and we were left with a difficult decision. Do we continue with the way things are and pretend everything is okay? Or do we accept defeat and wrongdoing in the acquisition of our pet and acknowledge that we failed in caring for this living creature.

We admitted that we hadn’t thought dog ownership through enough and agreed that we had failed in providing him the life that he deserved. We made plans with another family for them to take him and give him the life he deserves, one of attention and praise and a yard. It was hard to see him go but not as hard as it could have been. The new family was absolutely ecstatic about him, Ash and I were happy to know he was going to have a rich and full life outside the confines of his tiny cage, and Eko seemed genuinely happy as well, since as of late we had showered him with very little attention and praise.

What have I taken away from all of this besides “think through big decisions a little more before acting on them”? I learned that sometimes the best thing you can possibly do is acknowledge that you’ve failed at something. If I had tried to dissuade myself from acknowledging my shortcomings in caring for another living being and relegated this poor guy to a cage for the vast majority of his natural born life, I may have avoided “failing” as people on the internet are so quick to brand others with, but I also would have stolen a much better life for a very loving and energetic puppy.

I’m not so happy that I failed, but I’m pleased that I had the ability to acknowledge my failure and make things right with no ego involved. I saw a problem and corrected it with no attempt to save face. I didn’t try and talk my way out of my wrongdoing. I accept my failure and with that I know I’ve done right, I will not hide behind excuses, and I didn’t delay the departure of my puppy as an attempt to prove myself right when I was so clearly wrong accepting him into my home. Failure is not the worst thing that could happen to someone. The paralytic fear of failure that causes someone to not even try is much worse.

Only Fools Would Bomb Iran

2008-04-26T11:47:00.026-04:00

I'm not one to post videos. I've never posted a video here, but I deem this one totally necessary. UN Inspector Scott Ritter, author of Target Iran: The Truth About The White House's Plans For Regime Change, spoke on C-SPAN 2 back in October of 2006, he was discussing the not-so-recent discovery that the US administration was seeking military action against Iran. Ritter, like any American with half a brain, knows that stretching our military even thinner into a third consecutive and on-going conflict will most likely lead to an Apocalypse, a complete destruction of at least one major American city.

"But keep in mind this, that the Bush administration has built a new generation of nuclear weapons that we call 'useable nukes.' Um, and they have a nuclear posture now, which permits the preemptive use of nuclear weapons in a non-nuclear environment, if the commander in chief deems U.S. forces to be at significant risk. If we start bombing Iran, I'm telling you right now it's not gonna work. We're not going to achieve decapitation, regime change, all that. Um, what will happen is the Iranians will respond and we will feel the pain instantaneously. Which will push the Bush administration to move to phase two, which will have to be boots on the ground. And we will put boots on the ground, we will surge a number of divisions, and probably through Azerbaijan, down the caspian sea coast in an effort to push the regime over. And when they don't push over we now have forty thousand troops trapped.

We have now reached the definition of significant numbers of U.S. troops in harm's way, and there is no reserve to pull them out, there's no more cavalry to come riding to the rescue. And at that point and time, my concern is that we will use nuclear weapons to break the backbone of Iranian resistance and it may not work. But what it will do is this, it will unleash the nuclear genie, and so for all those Americans out there tonight who say 'you know what taking on Iran is a good thing.' I just told you that if we take on Iran we're going to use nuclear weapons. And if we use nuclear weapons, the genie ain't going back in the bottle until an American city is taken out by an islamic weapon in retaliation, so tell me you want to go to war with Iran. Pick your city. Pick your city, tell me which one you want gone. Seattle? LA? Boston? New York? Miami? Pick One! Cuz at least one's going. And that's something we should all think about before we march down this path of insanity that George Bush has us headed on.

-Scott Ritter

Below is the video, he peppers his words with the raw emotion of fear and anger:

Living in LA, this makes me just a little nervous. No Islamic extremist is going to attack a small rural city in retaliation for military action in Iran. A message will be sent, and I highly doubt it will be us sending it. I fear for mine and everyone else's safety in this situation, American and Iranian. We don't get the tallies of innocent Iraqis killed as collateral damage in Iraq but it's well over 600,000. Six hundred thousand innocent lives lost, and that's in just one of our two current wars. And our administration wants to start another? As Ritter said, obviously we'll encounter resistance in Iran and we won't have the reserves in the armed forces to back up a significant amount of troops in harms way. This will lead to our administration authorizing the use of nukes... This cannot happen, why have we let it go on this far? I thought this was the land of the free and the home of the brave? I just see cowards living in fear.

What should churn everyone's stomach is that if this was France, there would already be rioting in the street, because there the government fears it's citizens, because there the government works like it's supposed to, to serve it's people, not control them.

Be Afraid...Be Moderately Afraid

2008-04-23T00:34:00.014-04:00

PBS is not a forum for contemporary issues. When a society gathers around a 23-inch widescreen monitor to watch a 25 year old get hit in the nuts by his toddler, the term “sponsored by viewers like you” not only seem archaic and contrived but also completely accurate.

In a recent episode of Frontline, a long running PBS show, the topic of discussion was how youngsters are growing up online thereby creating the largest generation gap since the advent of rock and roll. It approached the topic with the utmost of grace, candor, and fear. The end result of the hour-long program was leaving me with an understanding that PBS is fucking scared shitless about the Internet.

It provided longwinded testimonials from parents of one small-town high school and how the Internet has negatively impacted their relationships with their children. Along with making note of the few cases of children killing themselves over cyber-bullying, Frontline also uses the statistic that there are over 130 million users on Facebook and MySpace, then tries to make mountains out of mole hills out of a few suicides. While immensely tragic in it’s own right, also proves very little and essentially muddies the argument that while a fraction of a percent of online users kill themselves, they spend about a fifth of the entire hour talking about it.

Given the general demographic that watches PBS, this can only be taken as fear mongering. Especially when considering that there is only one educated voice of moderation. Either it’s parents shouting for the Internet’s destruction, or teenagers smugly addressing the camera at how their parents are helpless to stop them.

I, being 25, had grown up in the Internet’s infancy. When I was a teenager, the Internet was amassed with spam. Internet Explorer chugged along on my 14.4 kilobaud modem only to get slammed with 50 pop ups essentially forcing me to reboot as closing one window opened three others. I was instilled with a certain distrust of the Internet and providing it with unfettered information about myself. I was skeptical. I wasn’t afraid or smug, I was somewhere in the middle…and still am.

Frontline was produced, written and presented for parents aged 50+. People who have trouble accessing email or who need to be taught how to double-click. There was a scene in this episode where a smug teen laughed at his mom as she didn’t know how to receive a text message, saying “Jeez mom, didn’t you go to college?” I hope Frontline debated long and hard about editing out the slap across the face the teen received after saying something so pompous and disrespectful to his mother, but I know all too well that she just sat there and took the insult. She took it because she felt stupid, and it’s tough to reprimand someone who makes a legitimate slam against someone’s intelligence. I’m sure she went to college, and I’m sure she has had contact with computers, but I’m also sure that in her lifetime she’d typed a term paper on an honest to god typewriter.

In the end, the Internet is not going to be dismantled and I’m sure there will be more people committing suicide over cyber-bullying. There will be no climactic end to the Internet much as there was no climactic beginning; it’s all a matter of when we joined the party. Parents and children need to be educated; the Internet is a tool, a powerful tool. Abuse and neglect are equally damning to the individual, and it should be the individual who should be demonized. The Internet doesn’t make people kill themselves and the Internet isn’t such a nebulous idea that it can’t be learned at any age. It’s streamlined itself to the point of malleable clay. This tool can be anything you want it to be, as much or as little a part of anyones daily life, but it’s not going away…we best learn to play nice.

LA vs WAR

2008-04-14T20:38:00.016-04:00

This weekend in LA, a rather low-key showing of anti-war art, graffiti and performing DJs at The Firehouse took place under the ambiguous title of LA vs WAR. It was a great showing with loads of great art and interesting folk. Below are some of my favorite pieces.

This was an altar to peace near the main entrance, people were allowed to write whatever they wanted and tape them to the walls surrounding the alter. Most were similar in tone and message, however the massive amount of them was staggering. You'd almost think that the majority of the people of this country were against the war. Crazy.

This was on the sidewalk outside The Firehouse. It wasn't part of the exhibit, but it is a pro-graffiti homage similar in vein to Banksy. Plus I love the jumpman logo.

The Audacity of Humor

2008-03-20T21:44:00.010-04:00

I picked up this little gem from Goodwill the other day. I was grabbed by the straightforward title Stand-Up Comedy: The Book. And then was I sold by the fact that a book with such an audacious title was written by the relatively unknown comedienne, Judy Carter, who’s website judycarter.com refers to her as a humorist and motivational speaker. So how is this woman allowed to write the definitive text on stand-up comedy?

Well, because she provides the definitive test on Funny. Right there on the cover is an invitation to all those looking at this book at Goodwill’s across the nation to take a chance on the book as they will gain definitive proof if they are funny or not within the first few pages.¹

The first question of the test is “Are you Jewish, Black or Italian? If you answer yes proceed directly to chapter 2.” Chapter one was an examination on “what is funny?” What? I’ve met many people in my days, and just because someone is Jewish, it doesn’t make them funny. I’ve met people that are Asian who are hysterical. Yet Judy Carter allows these races to skip over the very first chapter in her book to help them understand what is funny.

Among the massively dated suggestions in the book, written in 1989, was her urge to keep your material personal. As she says “Everyone has a K-mart joke.” I think the validity of this book resides in this statement. Listen to Steve Martin, Woody Allen, George Carlin, or any great comedian from the past forty years. Their jokes transcend their age. A Wild And Crazy Guy is just as laugh out loud² as when it was first conceived back in the seventies.

I guess what I’m trying to get at here is that no one can tell you that you’re funny, make you funny, or even help you make yourself funny. As Woody Allen said on being funny, “it’s an inborn thing that some have…it’s just in the genes…” No book is going to present the definitive roadmap to being a successful comedian, no matter how much a book will attempt to peddle a shortcut to it. Jerry Seinfeld sums up the road being a successful comedian in two words, "just work." If you love to write, then write. If you love to perform, then perform. If you're funny, you're funny. If not, "well I would suggest insurance sales."

¹While I feel many people are generally good-natured, very few are funny. 98% of all of humanity is not funny. This is why a 10-question test doesn’t give you the authority to perform brain surgery.
²Or LOLz to some.

Just Call Me Sam Fisher.

2008-03-11T21:56:00.009-04:00

This weekend as the girlfriend and I were doing our laundry we got locked out of our apartment. It was just one of those things, running back and forth to and from the basement to change loads, sometimes it just happens.

What did we do? The management office was closed because it was the weekend, and the landlord wasn’t answering her cell phone¹. So we stood outside our locked door and shot back and forth ideas. I grabbed a piece if thin cardboard from the trash in the hall and attempted to jimmy open the door, with no luck. Then I remembered, we have a ventilation shaft² that goes from the bottom to the top of the building used for venting steam from the bathrooms of each apartment³. I figured I could just shimmy down it and break into our bathroom window.

Ashley⁴ was against the idea, she was very certain that I was going to hurt myself. I mustered as much machismo as I could by shooting back a drawn out “naaaa.” So I went to the roof and stared down the shaft weighing my options. Thankfully she requested we see if our upstairs neighbor was home so I wouldn’t fall as far.

It turns out our upstairs neighbor was home, so we pleaded and begged for him to let me crawl through his bathroom window and shimmy down to ours. He was reluctant but let me. As I was about to do it, he said, "I hope you've had your Splinter Cell training" and I responded, "Just call me Sam Fisher"

Attempting to stay in the macho mindset I kicked off my sandals and squeezed through the tiny window feet first. I pressed my back against one wall and feet against the other and walked my way down to our floor. I used our neighbor’s handy super-tool thing to pry off our screen and climb through.

I got through this unscathed and felt like a bad ass for a day.

¹Of course.

²See inset for a view looking up from our window

³Keep in mind that this building is 100 years old.

⁴The girlfriend

Open Letter to the Superdelegates

2008-02-15T21:24:00.003-05:00

I first started becoming aware of politics through a long running late-night Saturday comedy program that weekly lampooned all current events surrounding political figures.

As I aged, SNL became a window for my friends and I, giving us a somewhat basic overview of modern politics in this country. The groundwork done by SNL lead to my interest in The Daily Show and more recently The Colbert Report. These shows lampooned politics four times a week, giving me a daily dose of a generalized understanding of the political system around me. Now as I reach the age of 25 I realize that the majority of my understanding of the political landscape was founded on a joke.

I feel like I had been conditioned to wait for the punch line every time I heard a news story from the white house, I feel like our leaders were meant to be jesters. Political figures that could do no right and were merely on the world's stage for our enjoyment. Sadly, I think that had caused a rather cynical disinterest in politics for the people of my generation.

Unfortunately, nations generally get the leader they deserve. We have been conditioned by years and years of a nepotistic old-boys club full of self-congratulating politicians. A closed society was running this country, which caused us to essentially throw our hands up and just turn our backs to the political landscape not caring what happens, as we felt helpless to change it. This only fueled my cynical disinterest in politics, how could I care about something that I was powerless to change.

In 2004, I had a change of heart. We had suffered for years at this point, under the command of an ignorant, under-educated man who couldn’t even manage an oil drilling business without having it run into bankruptcy. I saw an angry nation wishing we had someone else at the reigns. Unfortunately as that year played out, I saw little interest in the possible replacement for the president. Interest in politics waned once more, and as November rolled around, I saw more and more people just resolving to “Anybody But Bush 2004.” Myself included.

Now, in 2008 there is once again that true desire for change. The difference now is that I feel that I have already found my candidate. I feel energized in politics, as I have found a much better conduit to speak my voice. I no longer feel cynical about the future of politics; Washington doesn’t need to be the butt of the joke anymore. It’s time to grow up, time to get serious, time for Barack Obama.

He will not lie to get a single extra vote, he will not bend to special interest groups to fund his campaign, and he will not fail us when we’ve been so conditioned to allow it. He simply asks us if we believe and without saying a single word, he answers it.

An Average Saturday in LA

2008-02-09T16:50:00.000-05:00

For the past hour or so I was wandering around downtown LA looking for a mail box. Something I thought would be an easy feat in this major metropolitan area. Well, it was very difficult, even after asking three people and stopping by the post office to find that it was closed today. Oddly, they don't have any mail boxes camped outside the actual post office here.

After trudging through the city in concentrically larger circles hunting for a mail box, I spotted one outside the library, where a fairly large movie was being shot. There was a large green screen erected and a load of people sitting around talking.

As unbelievable as it may seem to some, it's rather commonplace in this city to see this kind of shit going on, and often times, it's fairly cumbersome. I cross the street and slink by the crew and security to throw my mail in the box. I get it out of my pack and open the lid and throw it in. Upon the satisfactory completion of my task I noticed that the mail box wasn't attached to the ground, and then I took a second glance at the logo on the side, it was clearly a fake mail box prop for the movie...

Of course I start freaking out and look around and grab the nearest crew member, and ask if this is a real mail box. The crew member laughs at me and no, and went on to tell me that I had to hunt down the props master on the shoot and get him to get the mail out for me.

I track him down and tell him that I'm a massive bonehead and used his fake mail box. He chuckles as he walks over to the box with me, while I scramble to tell him that he'd done such a great job making it look weathered and real. As if that helped secure any amount of wrong doing on their part, and consequently make me look a little less dumb.

So, he fished out my mail and said something smug to the extent of "There ya go, now you can go pay your rent." I thanked him and tried to get away as fast as I could, even though one crew member stopped me on my way to ask if I had, in fact, used their fake mail box. I conceded that I did, and she laughed again as I walked away defeated.

Things I've Learned 2006

2006-12-16T13:00:00.000-05:00

My life has been a series of footnotes.
I have never encountered a scenario that has called for a wink.
I find the half-tooth half-gum smile to be one of the most unattractive traits.
(see inset)
I look forward much more to the summer blockbuster season than the Oscar season.
I have officially started calling College Students: “College Kids”
This year was the first time I used the word “equity” seriously.
Seek out and understand the rules…then just do what you want. Even if it’s considered “wrong” it’s the only way to be happy.
World of Warcraft isn’t as nearly addicting as I was lead to believe.
There are far more questions than answers, perhaps this is why religion has caught on.
I don’t think humans are the smartest on the planet; we’ve just got opposable thumbs.
In reality survivor type game shows, the person who says “I’m not here to make friends” or “It’s just a game, and I’m in it to win it” is invariably not going to win.
Civility and virtuosity are learned traits, as are prejudices and hardships. Those that look at children as pure should really just look at them as blank slates or undomesticated pets, yet to experience the best and worst of humanity.
Muffin Tops and Tramp Stamps. It’s all I see anymore.
I need to stop thinking of beer or wine; there are other drinks out there.
For most people, exercise is a matter of recreation and vanity.
No, it wouldn’t help if you told me you’re glad you cheated on me, why would you even ask that?
Grease and Scarface, two movies that will constantly be re-released.
Why hasn’t the PSP given up yet? The DS squatted on its nuts at least one full calendar year ago.
Urgent person to person communiqué to Ben Stiller: Stop…please. I’d say you’re hurting your career more than me…but I think its pretty close.
I’ve taken up the goal of finding the most obnoxious ring tone. Currently, I have Highway to the Danger Zone greeting me (and everyone within earshot) on every incoming call.
Comic books are a legitimate form of expression, edging out most of what contemporary culture considers art.
Helping others isn't part of the American Dream. Just thought someone should point that out.
I'm still struggling with understanding the effectiveness with advertising HD TVs on regular TV.
Those that view Christmas as a religious holiday should also view Disney World as a holy land.

Casino Royale The Best Porn I've Ever Seen

2006-11-21T21:18:00.000-05:00

This past weekend I gave up the opportunity to wait in line in the cold for a chance at getting my hands on a Wii to see the new Bond -- Casino Royale.

This reboot for the franchise stars Daniel Craig as 007, and he plays him much different than any other. He plays him like a fucking gorilla. He's built like a gorilla, he walks like a gorilla, he fights like a gorilla, he even busts through walls like a fucking silver back gorilla.

Martin Campbell directs, as he did for Goldeneye, the first Brosnan outting. The photography is simply gorgeous, which makes the story and set up for the action well worth sitting through. Which gets to the subtitle of this entry. Like any porn, it's all about the payoff. Of course to be a good porn the setup needs to at least somewhat add to said payoff. And with this "Balls to the Wall" action flick, the setup makes the action somewhat more relevant. (and let's face it, generally most action in movies could easily be removed without sacrificing much from the understanding of the plot.)

Bond is in rare form in this outing. He's more than just an unflinching, mysogonistic killer. He feels and cares for the bond girl, he wants her to want him and has a rather touching moment late in the film that I still can't shake from my memory.

If they continue in this direction with the franchise, then the next outing should hopefully be able to beat a CG movie about dancing penguins at the box office.

Thanks for having me back

2006-10-28T21:54:00.000-04:00

Let's recap:

I've moved closer to work, which helps a ton. It now takes less than 10 minutes to get to work, and I can come home for lunch. Which, lately I've been using lunch breaks to catch up on watching episodes of The Batman. Also:

I received a 27 inch TV from my sister's neighbor who was terminally ill with brain cancer.
Aforementioned neighbor passed away.
My grandma passed.
My brother has come back from war in one piece.

That pretty much brings us up to the present. I've been working so much that I haven't done much notable in my private life. However, I did decide to redesign the blog. Observant readers would note that this is the fourth major overhaul of ChazSpot.

In other news:

I would be remiss if I didn't mention Halloween. This year I'm going to work and trick or treating as the world's foremost paranormal investigator, Fox Mulder.

I even made my own ID card:

Last year I got seven and a half pounds trick or treating. This year I may very well beat my record, especially considering I have a much better line than just "trick or treat"
Now I have the Federal Agent line to pull.

Observe:

[rings bell]
Excuse me, sir. I'm special agent Fox Mulder, there have been reports of tainted candy being distributed in this area, we're taking this allegation very seriously and I'm going to require a portion of your candy to take back to the lab for testing.
[homeowner gives candy]
I'm sorry sir, but our testing machines require a larger sample than that.
[gives more candy]
Little More...

And it goes on like that from house to house...it can't miss, I tell's ya.

...Each Day

2006-07-21T22:57:00.000-04:00

120 minutes
100 miles
40 stop lights
20 bucks in gas
6 tolls
1 bagel
0 tickets

I'm glad to put my daily commute to rest as I move much more near my job next week. 7 and a half months of 100 miles daily commute is enough to drive anyone a little nuts. I personally have this recurring dream that I'm driving and am unable to break. I had one recently that I had lost the break peddle completely. Then I went to stores looking for a new one, but I kept going into completely irrational stores, like Michaels craft store. I went in and asked where they keep their replacement break peddles, they told me that I could make one out of popsicle sticks.

Observant readers would note the zero tickets. I didn't even get pulled over once during 7 and a half months of commuting. Being that today was my last day of the commute I had this fear that right as I got on the highway, all the state troopers would be waiting to give me all the tickets they hadn't given me over the past 7 months.

Ironically as I got on the highway for real today, I was greeted by two state troopers with their lights ablaze. Luckily it was because some goon in an oversized SUV rolled into a ditch and they were tending to him. Helping him tie his bandeezee around his leg to help stop the bleeding. I slinked by and laughed at the preposterous situation and the fact that I, for a brief second, actually thought my irrational fear came true.

A parody of reality, yet somehow not.

2006-06-11T23:12:00.000-04:00

I want to send a heartfelt thank you to Jeremy from The Real Cancun for introducing the word "bandeezee" (pronounced Band-E-Z) to my lexicon. For far too long I called those dumb pieces of fabric with no real purpose "bandanas" ...how wrong I was.

Also, I wanted to give kudos for not only fucking a roommate on the second night, but on the fourth night, fucking a girl met at a club so loudly that it kept up the aforementioned fucked roommate awake and sobbing. For that, you can go ahead and wear a bandeezee on both your wrist and head....You deserve it.

Providing Salt for that Open Wound

2006-05-14T15:47:00.000-04:00

I'm not one to fill out or post surveys about myself. That said, I received an interesting request on MySpace recently...to fill out a survey about someone else. Better still, this girl was a classmate in a gen ed class five years ago. I barily ever spoke to the girl, much less ever hung out with her. However she seemed to find it fit to send me a survey about how great of friends we are. What follows is that survey...her name has been changed to avoid me getting angry emails.

1. Who are you?
I'm Chaz, who the hell's askin'?

2. Are we friends?
I suppose it would best be described as aquaintance.

3. When and how did we meet?
We met five years ago in a Gen Ed English class, my life has never been the same since...oh wait, yes it has.

4. How have I affected you?
No.

5. What do you think of me?
I try not to.

6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
I recall a drunken Ms. Smith approaching me at Molly's, saying something slightly provocative about my outward appearance, then stumbling back to her herd.

7. How long do you think we will be friends?
We've never hung out, so I don't think the clock has even started on that one.

8. Do you love me?
Like a fat kid loves cake, however that fat kid has type two diabetes and the cake will kill him. So it's kinda a love hate type thing.

9. Do you have a crush on me?
Maybe back when I thought there was the slightest chance of ever seeing you naked.

10. Would you kiss me?
Yeah, why the hell not?

11. Would you hug me?
I'll hug just about anything that won't leave a stain on me. If you meet the requirements, then all abord the hug trolly.

12. Physically, what stands out?
Your feet, oh wait, that's what stands "on"

13. Emotionally, what stands out?
You seem generally happy, except when you're not.

14. Do you wish I was cooler?
Dear lord, yes.

15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
If you were in my oven, I'd have it set to medium-high for 15 minutes, or until your crust was a golden brown.

16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
Nutsac Tony. My reasons are mine alone.

17. Am I loveable?
I should ask the two other men in that English class from five years ago.

18. How long have you known me?
See above question.

19. Describe me in one word.
philanthropist.

20. What was your first impression?
When my doctor spanked me while holding me upside down, it left quite an impression on my asshole.

21. Do you still think that way about me now?
You're not my doctor!!

22. What do you think my weakness is?
You're mortal...where do I begin?

23. Do you think I'll get married?
Everybody does, and just about everybody does again.

24. What makes me happy?
I'm guessing shitty online surveys to help bolster a waining self-confidence level.

25. What makes me sad?
Getting the results of shitty online surveys.

26. What reminds you of me?
I once had a very lightly salted cashew.

27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
Two words of advice...En-joy.

28. How well do you know me?
Is this a repeat of an earlier question? On a scale of 1-10 I'd have to say tomato.

29. When's the last time you saw me?
I think that time at Molly's, maybe 3 years ago, was it?

30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
No, I'm as open as I can be with you.

31. Do you think I could kill someone?
Sure, but you'd never know.

32. Have we ever had sex?
If we did it couldn't have been that good, cuz I'm drawin' a blank.

33. Do you miss me?
Like a fat kid misses cake.

34. Do you think i miss you?
Yeah, why the hell not?

35. Are you going to put this on your MYSPACE and see what I say about you?
No.

She responded to my submission of this to her by saying I was "kinda" mean, and now refuses to talk to me. The truth hurts, baby.

Funny, I don't feel very british.

2006-05-13T18:58:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was told I looked quite similar to a "British Street Thug." I questioned exactly what one looked like, and this person reponded "Oh, I don't know, but you definitely look British." Thus ending the conversation. I thought very little of it, until today. I was browsing MySpace out of absolute boredom, and I noticed a multitude of picture comments saying very similar things. "Hey Grrl, Damn you lookin british," or "Wow, you look very british in that picture."

May I be the unified voice on ending this global conversation. No one looks british, unless you're wearing a three piece suit, wearing a derby, and have a heavily scuplted moustace.

We Are America--No Wait!

2006-05-04T23:19:00.000-04:00

I was pondering today, the hypocrisy of today's illegal immigrants. First, the re-dubbing our national anthem in Spanish didn't ring of an all together interest in "Being America" as so many signs touted.

But the thing that got me today was that there was a giant protest-march type thing on May 1st to state oh so boldly that illegal immigrants are America. Now, however tomorrow is cinco de mayo. I wonder what hypocrite that fought so hard to be heard on May 1st to prove that they are America will now celebrate Cinco de Mayo, Mexico's Independence Day.

Of course, when I brought this up to co-workers, they told me that Cinco de Mayo is just an excuse for drinking, and I am thinking too much about this--a response I get far too often.

Even Batman has a laundry day.

2006-04-29T12:26:00.000-04:00

I had to just run out to the bank to get quarters for the wash. It's only about 4 blocks away so being the MASSIVE environmentalist that I am, I decided to walk. Along the way I passed a dad and his son. The kid could only have been five or six, however when he saw I was wearing a t-shirt with the Batman logo on it, it stopped him in his tracks.

He paused to think and realized, the shot off a snide "you're not Batman."

This tickled me for a multitude of reasons:

He believes Batman exists

He believes Batman occasionally wanders through Glen Ellyn on the weekends

He honestly thinks Batman would wear a t-shirt with his own emblem on it.

This encounter has put me in a rather good mood. It reminds me of the days when I walked by sewer lids and wondered if I tore it up and jumped down, would I be able to find the Turtles hideout? I really miss that era of the total suspension of disbelief.

Finding that much needed Caramel Center.

2006-04-24T23:06:00.000-04:00

I'm not happy. Haven't been for about three weeks now. I'm not happy because of what happened with my now x-girlfriend, I'm not happy with how it's effected me. Worst of all though, I'm not happy with the pedestrian nature of this whole ordeal.

How completely common an occurrence to lose a loved one. How completely run of the mill for a relationship to fail. A break-up, when viewed objectively, is the most common affliction anyone can and must suffer.

I feel both comforted and infuriated by this acknowledgement. I am comforted because misery loves company, however I am rather annoyed at the completely mundane nature of my situation. There are no fantastic twists to my story. Boy meets girl, boy falls for girl, boy finds happiness with girl, girl leaves for new boy. And here I am, left with the same damn story as hundreds of thousands of pop songs.

Worst of all, the pop songs generally have a better story line than mine. There was no massive fight, there was no explosion of words and aggression. I did nothing wrong, in fact she acknowledged that and told me that I was the closest to a "good" person that she's ever met.

She was just both used to me, and bored of me...She wanted someone new. I am an obsolete model, last year's standard issue marked down to 9.95. I've been reduced to bargain bin status because my box has been opened and the buyer didn't like the contents and returned me.

Rejuvenating the Mind, Spirit and Blog.

2006-04-23T00:35:00.000-04:00

I'm not entirely a jealous man. Sure I feel a bit of proprietary right to what I have and what I know. But, jealousy stems from insecurity. I don't feel the need to be jealous even when something is taken from me, because I know well enough that anything that is worth being jealous over losing means I would have to, in some way, give it away.

Yes, I've lost something valuable to me--rather someone. She meant a lot to me, however I'm sure in some way, perhaps more than I'm willing to disclose, I gave her away through my actions.

Be that as it may, those actions are in the past. And may we let the past stay the past. I've been consumed with the effort to move on, to evolve, to regain my unique oneness. To do so, I decided to take a bike ride.

I rode through three towns, Wheaton, Glen Ellyn and Lombard. This was the first time I dusted off my bike this year and I am well aware of how over zealous I was to attempt a ride of this length. Dammit, how I needed it though. I always forget how much I enjoy the outdoors during the winter months. I always forget how nice it is to not have to go charging straight to shelter when being outside. I always forget how being in the wilderness gives me a true sense of peace.

You see, there is a wonderful path that stretches many miles in DuPage. I could have ridden my bike to fermilab, had I desired as much. It was on that path where I encountered a wealth of wildlife and an interesting array of locals. It seemed like everyone and their little dog too were out for a stroll. I saw countless squirrels, which on the path were quite pleasingly desensitized to humans. One of the highlights of the day was seeing a baby squirrel attempting to scale a tree trunk for what very well may have been the first time. Also I encountered an incredibly inquisitive bee. He followed me for what seemed like a quarter of a mile, and luckily came nowhere near my ear, face or neck.

The whole escapade seemed like it could have been one of those inane musical numbers from a classic Disney movie. Everyone seemed happy, everyone was doing their own thing. I even saw a large pack of goth children walking along the path, all adorned a rather uncharacteristic smile as they walked past.

Needless to say, I was absolutely exhausted after the 10 mile round trip today. But, as much as my body had given up, my mind and spirit were much more at peace than before I started. I realized something that so many often forget--there's a whole world out there. Everyone, everything has it's own agenda. It makes me feel insignificant at the same time as making me feel at peace. It's a very unique sensation, none the less.

You have to purify yourself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka.

2006-04-16T12:32:00.000-04:00

I've recently been dumped. It never gets easier, not at age 7 where in second grade the love of my life, Kokoro, up and vanished from my life, or when I received a letter in my mailbox with no postage from a girl whom I had a predominantly "over the phone" relationship. It doesn't get easier when you realize your being left for someone, it doesn't get easier when you realize you've fucked up. It especially doesn't get easier when you realize you haven't. For me it's never been so much the fear of the unknown, like "Where do I go from here?" or "How will I ever love again?" It's always been a matter of the regret of the loss of the known. I know that if I take her up on her plea to stay friends, which before the break we were, to use an archaically childish term--best friends, we'd still have quite a lot of work ahead of us to put aside the fact that we've both seen each other in and out of our unmentionables.

I'll say the sexual chemistry died a long time ago, I'll say I really don't care if she finds happiness in the arms of some other person, I'll say all these things and really deep down mean it. But it's not that simple on the surface. On the surface it still hurts, in the present time it hurts like hell. I know, as does everyone I talk to, that it's for the best, and it's been a long time coming. However I know better than most that everyone I've ever loved or cared for has left or became estranged. I certainly don't want this happening with my latest exploit in love. I want things to go smoothly, I want this to be a success story in the transition to friends, as so many girls have politely told me would happen after they tore out my heart and stepped on it's still somewhat functioning valves and arteries with 7 inch stilettos.

This morning I had a really disheartening dream of my newly "x'd" girlfriend becoming promiscuous. This of course resonated due to things said in real life to the extent of her wishing to revert to her more "irrational" days. On the internet I found many pages about surviving a breakup, however they've all been geared towards women surviving. I felt sad that there was no support for guys, and at the same time I felt a little uplifted that I may very well be in the minority as far as guys that actually give a damn.

It's been a few days of separation now from my post-girlfriend. To kick off my now solitary life, I needed something with enough raw sexual energy to fill an entire theatre in St. Charles with drunk thirty and forty year olds--Prince Fest. It was all that it could have been and so very much more. I made damn good use of my camera phone and when I'm able to get these pictures off the phone and onto my computer a full story will be posted.

First the core details of this event.

It was a "View, Brew & Let's Go Crazy" event. Meaning they served liquor at the theatre.
We watched the 1984 classic "Purple Rain" on the big screen.
We then were treated to Milwaukee's premiere Prince tribute band "Purple Rain" Consisting of a small, androgynous Latino man as Prince, a bra and panty clad dancing woman whom he simulated sex with on stage, and my favorite--The Doctor, he played keyboards.
The whole event lasted almost 5 hours. With the live band playing a whopping two hours and twenty minute set.

I will post an entire article on the event when I can write about it with the least bit of objectivity. As it stands I had never been rocked so hard before.

The Daunting Task Begins

2006-04-05T21:33:00.000-04:00

I began reading the Holy Bible last night. Before I get into the thematic narrative elements, first a word about this specific bible. I obtained this book around 1991 during the operation Desert Shield, also currently known as "The First Iraq War." It's a New International Version, translated in the 1960's making it much easier to read than the King James version. The entire outer cover is desert camouflage and the title is written in what appears to be stencil font. I'd always enjoyed the look of this book and I'm glad to now sit down and read it.

That being said, the narrative in Genesis is absolutely appalling. Any second grader could pump out this dribble. There is only ever a single plot line. Any coherent timeline is shot to shit by the fourth page, it jumps back and fourth purely for the effect of showing a boiled down lineage of Adam and Eve's offspring.

It begins, God is happy, God makes things, God gets happier, God makes more things to differentiate from the things he's made prior, God gets very happy. God makes Adam (which in Hebrew means "Ground"), God is quite pleased with himself and decides to take a break, during that break he decides to make that his official break day, claiming it holy because damned if he can't. Adam initially is given the task of naming all of God's creatures, mainly because God decides to lounge for that day. Adam complains that he's having trouble with the workload and asks for a secretary, claiming he has terrific micromanaging skills and creativity "just isn't his thing." God obliges, on his day off mind you, anyone at this point who feels God lacks compassion is a blind zealot. God puts Adam to sleep and removes--let me pause at this point.

The next word is one that everyone knows, well...anyone who paid attention in Sunday school. Here's the problem, the King James version is a very rigid translation, and doesn't allow for any further interpretation of the original Hebrew scripture. Luckily the New International Version gives alternate translations where applicable.

God removes Adam's rib (also could be translated as his side, or a piece of his side) and fashions him a temp worker. She is named Eve, meaning "Life" and look at God pulling double duty on this his day of rest, creating and naming for that lounge about--Adam.

Something I found very interesting is the description of Eden. In the center there were two trees, the tree of life and the tree of knowledge of good and evil. God had allowed them to eat from the tree of life, which granted immortality. However, he refused to allow them to eat from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. His thinking was that it was okay for them to live forever, but if they fully understood the contrasting nature of behavior they would be far too godlike for him to handle. We all know they ate the wrong damn fruit. God certainly didn't want any immortal think for yourself-ers, I'm sure he got enough of that back home.

Another bizarre thing I noticed is that whenever he referred to himself it was in the plural sense. Seems odd for an almighty, all-knowing, omnipresent, omniscient being to make such a simple grammatical error, unless of course there's more than just him out there.

And This I Say Unto Ye

2006-04-04T22:32:00.000-04:00

I've decided to read the bible. Beginning to end. The reason multi-faceted. I've always taken an interest in religion and the religious, and I've always been interested in reading things where the author has long since died, it almost feels like I can go back in time. The bible is the first step, after that I plan to read the Book of Mormon, the Torah (which holds mystical future revealing factoids not through what is written but by how it is written, or so I'm told) and I'll wrap things up with The Satanic Bible by Anton LaVey.

I propose no religious siding, I've never been too gung ho to leap head first with full mind, body and spirit into any one religion. However I must say I've been baptized and confirmed a Christian. I, in no way, renounce my prior religious learning, in fact I embrace it. I wish to learn as much as I can about the human fascination with the spiritual, supernatural and unknown. Because, as we've learned, faith can never be proven, if what the faithful believe in becomes fact then it all just becomes another bit of pop culture.

I will no doubt be updating a bit more often, informing of how the reading is going and most likely I will be presenting funny, insightful or otherwise interesting passages.

Karma's coming to town.

2006-04-01T17:54:00.000-05:00

Karma can't exist. I don't mean that in the figurative sense, there is absolutely no way that there are only absolute right and absolute wrong sides to every choice. I'm not talking about "Should I have a cookie?" choices that I have to make every second of every day. The only out comes are (A) I have the cookie, possibly ruining my desire for an eleven course meal, or (B) I don't have a cookie and I gorge myself on something else. These are easy choices because they deal with inanimate objects. These have no feelings you must take into account. Things get a bit trickier when the choice affects other humans.

Now the idea behind karma is do good and good will be done to you. This is quite reminiscent of Albert Einstein's theory of every action creates and equal and opposite reaction. This is a great theory for explaining trampolines or smashing watermelons, but for something as complex as "doing good" even something as complex as the word "good" its nowhere near as black and white as that.

Here is a prime example of someone who really thought they were doing good. On the expressway a lengthy truck that carries new cars wanted to merge into our lane. The person in front of me came to a complete stop and waived him in, delaying everyone behind her including me. Now clearly if we narrow our view of this situation, conveniently cropping me out of the equation there is a simple decision. This person decides if it's worth it to her to let in this truck. Is she in that much of a rush? How good will she feel helping out a fellow motorist? We know what she chose and I hope she feels damn good about it, because karma ain't doin' shit for her. As we widen our scope and include me and the hundreds of other motorists behind her, she provided a complete disservice, delaying all of us a good 20 to 30 seconds. This may seem like small tomatoes especially on an hour long commute but it raises an interesting question. How could karma exist when there are more than two people on this planet?

There is an old saying; in order to raise someone up you must put someone else down. This evokes the symbolism of a balance; a natural order to things. We're not all getting happier. We can't all win the lottery. Someone has to lose. Karma will never benefit someone by being knowingly nice to someone while ignorantly harming others. Hitler, Stalin, Bush...They all may be bad people, but they knowingly believe they are/were doing something for the greater good. So does karma benefit these people?

Say you do something evil, like kill Timothy McVeigh. You hate him, you want him dead and you kill him. You kill him 3 months before he would have bombed Oklahoma City's Alfred P. Murrah Federal Building. You and no one else knew that he would get classified a domestic terrorist, because he doesn't. You've saved 168 men, women and children. And you've done it with bitter hatred in your heart.

Now this is also an example of multiple other things: hindsight, cause and effect, disruption of natural balance, fate. For our purposes, Timothy McVeigh died by your hands via hatred and a twelve gauge, not the federal government and a syringe via lethal injection at 7:00 a.m. on June 11, 2001.

You peformed an unspeakable evil act by taking another person's life. Karma by definition would have to punish you. Karma, like anyone else had no way of knowing you'd be saving 168 men, women and children. Karma has no conscious, it has no reasoning. Karma is purely a virtue with consequences. It's a manmade safeguard against anarchy. It's a children's fairy tale. It's Santa Clause. It can see you when you're sleeping. It knows when you're awake, So you better be good for goodness sake.

Eerie, if not obvious.

2006-03-31T22:44:00.000-05:00

"Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country."
--Nazi Reich Marshal Hermann Goering

"If you tell a lie big enough and keep repeating it, people will eventually come to believe it."
--Nazi Propaganda Minister Joseph Goebbels

Stop Ragging on the Master of Pensive Stares

2006-03-09T21:59:00.001-05:00

That man seems to have dug his little fingers into my soul and used it's gritty innards to scribe a song that perfectly relates to me. I mean, it's so about me and my personal struggles to be loved and beautiful, that I think IT'S ABOUT ME.

And I'm so upset about people ragging on his nappy hair and vapid looks into the camera. It's not JUST to see his reflection...I think. I think it's so he may be able to somehow transcend time, space and technology to look at me when I watch his videos.

oh my oh my I heart Jimmy Blunt.

Dispatches from the Other Side.

2006-02-05T15:50:00.000-05:00

I've been sent from the professional sector to issue this generation's youngsters a warning. There's no reason to fear, long for, dread or over hype adulthood. It is not entirely starkly different from years preceding it. It's not more enjoyable, especially for those who've gone to college. College, I now understand being essentially a four year vacation.

I had a friend growing up who was always trying to be much more mature than the rest of us. He was very business oriented and wanted to be a mergers and acquisitions man in New York. Needless to say he's there now doing exactly that. But damned if there doesn't come a day when he'll look back and wish he was a little more childlike in his earlier days. It happens to all of us. I'm slightly regressing as we speak.

Lately I've taken a heightened interest in video games and comic books. I absolutely enjoy wearing jeans and a t-shirt. And I am generally uncouth as often as I can be. I'm not sure if this is in direct result to entering the 8-5 world or if it's just a natural resurgence of interest, but I am enjoying it. I just wonder if I would have enjoyed it more when I was a kid worrying about the future and avoiding these interests in an attempt to act more grown up.

Video Violence on a Rainy Day. A Metaphor.

2006-01-18T19:24:00.000-05:00

I've pretty much fully kept my mouth shut about the whole video game and movie violence debate. However, driving home from work I was thinking about it a little and wanted to share a metaphor.

Generally when I get any new sports game, my interest is heightened of that sport. I'll watch more of it on T.V. and go play it in real life also. It's true with Tiger Woods, Winning Eleven, and NBA 2K5. I figure this is the basis for a lot of pro-violent-games-leads-to-violent-behavior-and-death stance.

And I would agree on the front that, yes generally we surround ourselves with what interests us. But, there's a little something different between going out and hitting a bucket of balls at the driving range and cappin' a few fools at school because a character did not quite the same thing in a game.

I have always enjoyed basketball, and I'll admit after getting NBA 2K5 there was a substantial increase in my playing it in real life. But, growing up all I had was a hoop outside, and I knew better than to go out during a thunderstorm.

And I suppose it's that delineation, that identification of the consequences of playing in the rain that in some extrapolated way is what makes me different from a serial killer. People who resort to violence because of a movie or a video game are those same people who would play basketball in a storm.

You are Witnessing a Rebirth...Chaz 2.0

2006-01-16T16:14:00.000-05:00

Twenty oh Six, eh? I'm excited. I'm happy to be done with 2005. It was a real shit year. No need to go into specifics but any one person who knows me would have at least three reasons to back that statement up. So needless to say I'm glad we're here in the latter half of the decade. This is my first year of Real Life. Out of college, upgraded, graduated and still completely out of sorts.

Not at all in the bad way, though. There is a lot of unknown around me but it's the kind with possibilities implied, which was a big problem of 2005. I went nowhere, did nothing and was grinding down near the end of it wondering what the hell I'll do when I can't afford rent or food.

I've got a new job working as a Videographer/Editor, which is exactly where I want to be. I work with really great people who know what they're doing, and best of all, like what they're doing.

I've got my own internet connection now, no longer leeching from the now encrypted wi-fi in my building. Posts will become more occasional.

I've got my best friend coming back to Chicago from Vegas. He's feeling real down thinking coming back here is a form of failure, I disagree. I hope there will be loads of hours we will get to hang out like the olden golden days of yore.

All this is essentially what's been happening the past few weeks.

Among the other happenings:

My sister is engaged. Giving marriage a second chance. More power to her.

I nearly got in a fist fight after a movie. Commenting to a large gentleman about how he brought a baby and a five year old to Munich nearly ended in fisticuffs. Luckily I didn't need to prove the size of my bidness and was able to walk away.

The section I worked for in the newspaper the Northern Star is no longer. May the Weekender rest in peace. I guess they have a smaller daily entertainment section. This along with a plethora of changes is now part of the redesigned Northern Star. I can't help but feel a piece of my past die a little.

I was forced to decommission my room at my parents' house. I kinda kept everything up as a shrine to me. It comforted me when I came over as a refuge. Now it's all gone, all posters have been rolled up, all toys in boxes. It's as if I've never lived there at all. It feels like a larger piece of my past has died.

But in the end, in order to grasp the future we must let go of the past. I thought 2005 was the year of transition, but that was merely a prelude.

Things I've Learned 2005

2005-12-11T18:37:00.000-05:00

Beer that comes in a 30 pack isn't worth drinking.
People that shout "Get in the hole" at golf events most likely have never played the sport.
Panda bears appear to be hiding something.
Attractive looks are only a miniscule portion of attraction.
Success comes not without its fair share of pain and suffering.
Christmas lights are a viable alternative to your illumination needs.
Patriotism appears to come equipped with large amounts of ignorance.
News is something that someone somewhere doesn't want you to know, everything else is advertising.
Stop blaming hurricane Katrina, it was the shoddy masonry on the levies that caused the city under the sea.
After years of ignorant disdain, I now understand the value of conditioner.
Monitor your drinking habits for at least 2 hours before going to see a movie.
Don't feel pressured. There is always a better deal, it's a matter of how hard you look.
Moderation.
Whatever happened to Jingles?

Winter Woes

2005-12-11T15:23:00.001-05:00

For far too long winter has eroded away the end of fall and beginning of spring. Overtaking my two favorite seasons, winter has made an enemy of me today.

On what was to be a leisurely walk to the bank, I was relegated to walking in the streets because of a torrential snow storm that happened 4 days ago causing the sidewalks to be unusable. The owners of these walkways are lazy and surely some of my hatred should be directed at them for their lack of responsibility to clean up their own damned walkway.

But, I still fully hate winter. It's fall for another week and a half, and in the most eloquent web lingo I can muster - I exclaim "WTF."

My freshly washed pants were wetted then muddied as I traipsed through the gutter area of the street narrowly avoiding getting flattened by wifey's urban assault vehicle.

How can I already be sick of a season that hasn't even started yet?

And all the while I hear on the news that we're fighting Global Warming. Fighting it. Damn, I'll be there to welcome it with open arms, a flower necklace and a margarita, when does it's flight get in?

"What'd he say?" "He said you an asshole!"

2005-12-10T17:51:00.000-05:00

Richard Pryor is dead at the age of 65. Pryor's comedy, inspiring yet sometimes caustic, had reached me at a rather young age. I'd seen "See No Evil, Hear No Evil" far sooner than the MPAA rating said I should've. And, let's not forget the biting political and social satire "The Toy." Where Pryor was esentially purchased to be a rich man's child's play thing.

Pryor was ailing from multiple sclerosis, and from anyone who had seen him in the past 5 years or so knew that he wasn't doing well. It's not a shock that he's passed, it's just a shame to see such a smart humorist leave us so soon. But, as they say: "Stars that burn twice as bright, burn for half as long."

Pryor was not one for the standard black humor of racial comparisons. He broke away from the all too common "You see, white people go like this, 'dee dee dee daa' and black people you know we go like this, 'doo doo doo dun.' Ain't I right, Ain't I right?!" style of humor that was and is often still prevalent in black humor, I'm looking in your direction Cedric the Entertainer.

What's all this, then?

2005-12-07T16:36:00.000-05:00

Major Changes, my friends. I've launched that little talked about but much rumored site. ChazSpot.Net. It's a simple self promotional website and as I try to get employed it'll make showing my video shit much easier. It also helps for me to archive all my stuff in a place far less prone to total system meltdowns, which I've had two of in the past 4 months. I lost a lot of good stuff of mine, and hopefully this will be a better system of archive.

So enjoy my various things on this site. I would especially reccomend checking out The Boat episodes in the audio download section. They're all pretty hilarious, and if you don't find them funny I'm sure you're in the vast majority of Americans who "just don't get it."

An epic voyage and a required day of recuperation

2005-11-30T15:20:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I dragged my sorry sack out of bed at 6 a.m. to go to the city to test my skills at a temp agency. Mistake the first: wearing dress shoes when I know full well that I'll have to walk a minimum of 5 miles. Mistake the second: deciding that wearing a hat would mess up my hair, when in reality the wind did a damn fine job of that, and now my ears are permanently frozen.

The testing went sub par at best. I was tested in my proficiency in Word, Power Point and Excel. I don't think I've ever used Excel, so I was initially worried about that. I wasn't given tasks to do in each program as I figured I would, but given a program that used partial elements from each program for each task. And the program was at least 12 years old, and recorded every mouse click. If you accidentally click outside the area of the correct button or item on the top bar it shown a glaringly large box saying I was Incorrect. The other asinine aspect of the test was that you couldn't use shortcuts. No CTRL + C to copy and most certainly no CTRL + V to paste, and yes...I got both of those questions wrong because I wasn't told this. At least the typing test was fair, I got 64 WPM, which is good but nowhere near where I was in high school.

After testing, the woman and I grabbed a bite at Chipotle, and I returned a missed call that ended up being from another prospective employer. Then hobbled back to the train station, only being stopped on the street right before getting to precious warmth by a lady bugging us about the environment. She asked "Could I ask for a minute of your time, if you care about the environment" I said no and kept walking, but the woman stopped, I assume because she wanted to keep up appearances like word would get out that she clubs seals because she didn't stop to talk to this lady.

So we stop, this lady gives us her speech and then finally we are able to get inside where I immediately reach for my travel pack of tissues and blow my nose. I began to look around and noticed absolutely no trash cans anywhere. But there was a guy sweeping into one of those little tray with pole deals. So I look at him and ponder, the woman already started chastising me for thinking about just ditching the tissue. But it's his job, so I said to him "do you mind?" and he nodded so I dropped it and he swept it up. It was incredibly awkward and I don't know why there are no trash cans in the whole of Chicago.

We get to the tracks only to find that we had just missed the train back to Glen Ellyn, and I curse the lady who stopped us, the environment, and the woman for being led into her trap. We had about 55 minutes to kill so I set up shop at the train station bar and had a beer while watching the news.

I gotta say, I know now why the "novelty" of beer doesn't wear off after turning 21 as so many people told me. After a long hard day of trekking around Chicago, it just completely helps in unwinding. I felt so much better and it made the train ride home comfortable instead of anxious.

Upon returning home I found that my feet were more or less unusable. Blisters everywhere. Where is it written that dress shoes can't adhere to the hundreds of years of scientific advancements of footwear?

So now here I am one day later still limping around frankenstyle. Maybe another beer will help...

Cold Town, Winter in the City

2005-11-22T12:24:00.000-05:00

Although the calendar says it's still very much fall, Chicago is forcing us to think winter. The Christmas tree is up, the festival of lights has already taken place, and we have officially been given the go ahead to spend like little gluttonous freaks on this years chosen must have piece of plastic.

Ever since I was a kid, I had one simple guideline for enjoying Christmas. It would be within the dates of Thanksgiving and New Years, which back in the day wasn't hard. The day after Thanksgiving was always and I believe still is the largest shopping day of the year. A fact made readily known at Circuit City (I worked there for a whopping 3 hours before quitting.)

This year however, because of our slumping economy, we've been forced to ponder people's wish lists a tad early. And it makes me uneasy. Is it because of our early recognition of the festive season that our weather has been so shitty? We're supposed to have highs in the forties, we've been barely hitting twenty lately.

There was a Christmas I spent in Vegas a few years back. Our family just decided to skip the standard tree and presents and treat ourselves to Vegas shows as our gifts. I chose Pen and Teller, which is still one of the highest ranking memories of my life. But the more I think about it the more I realize, I don't need winter to enjoy Christmas, who does? Is the ambiance that important? I think it's who you're with that makes this whole thing less depressing than shitty weather and an undercooked ham.

So to all my friends that aren't near Chicago this Christmas season, I wish you all the best. And I hope to be there soon.

Snobs, wine lovers, and not a single mention of the french

2005-11-15T16:47:00.000-05:00

After a long and much unwanted sebaticle, I've returned. Fresh with a crisp clean new diploma which I belive is now residing in the basement of my parents' house. I'm on my own in the "real world." I'm still struggling in the job front. I've been searching in two different areas. Jobs that'll help me career wise also known as "real" jobs and jobs that'll pay the bills, which I lovingly call "bullshit" jobs. Jobs that during the interview process when I realize I've gotten them, I cry inside.

In order to help find a "real" job, I'm enlisting the help of the internet by creating a website for self promotion. And yes, this blog will be a part of it.

If anyone knows a good web hoster out there let me know, because I don't want to spend more than 5 bucks a month and I want a decent amount of webspace.

Beyond that, things are going well in the personal life. My love of boxed wine has been reinforced and flourshing. Nothing beats coming home to a soft couch, broadcast TV, and a brimming glass of cheap wine.

Life in Transition

2005-08-02T23:28:00.000-05:00

I'm moving saturday, to a town which I've only been to once. I went to check out an apartment for rent, and flipped over it. The town is basically all white upper middle class christians. I don't know exactly how well I'll merge into that world but here's hoping I don't get in any arguments at least for the first week.

This coming Sunday is the Comicon. Which I plan on spending about a hundred and a half on various items which I definitely won't need at my new place. I've infact referred to my "list of clutter" which I hope to attain Sunday.

Monday I'm heading to Chicago to the Toulouse Lautrec exhibit at the Art Institute. I'm going with my aunt and grandma and hopefully my brother will wisen up and come with us, because anyone who knows me, knows about our epic odysseys we tend to have when the four of us are together.

Toulouse was best known, not for his art, but for John Leguizamo's portrayal of him in the coke induced Moulin Rouge. His stumpy lispy portrayal was actually quite similar to the real Toulouse, only the real one was far less idealistic, and a bit of a womanizer.

On a sad note: I won't have internet at my new place, at least not for a while. So, posts will once again become rather sporadic.

A Precautionary Tale

2005-07-27T21:22:00.000-05:00

Back in High School I read 1984 because a friend told me it was one of the best books he had ever read. I enjoyed it immensely and it has held the test of time as being my favorite book. Interestingly enough what is going on in the world seems to be eerily similar to the happenings in the book. Call me Winston if you must but here is my reasoning.

In the book a war was started with another country although none of the civilians really knew why. Winston, being that he works for the government, notices that all the history books are being rewritten to show cause for the war, quite similar to the Iraq war. We entered into a war three years ago to fight a phantom force that was known to be in Afghanistan; they tried to prove the threat of WMDs which weren't there. Only now do they make a clear link to Islamic extremists which are in fact indigenous to that area. Finally a three year old war has the much needed reason to begin.

The patriot act, which for those of you not in the know, has had all but two of its provisions made permanent as of last week. And those other two have been extended for 10 years. This is quite similar to the Big Brother aspect of 1984. Secret searches, meaning federal agents break in to a house, search for whatever they want and leave without ever telling the resident that they searched the premise, are now part of American law. This creates provisions that make our government have the power of a secret police quite similar to the KGB. Still a ways off from a TV screen that can probe your thoughts. But wait, Sony has just acquired the patent for technology that can beam information straight into the brain without surgery. This begs the question; would it be able to extract information as well?

I would say to be careful my friends, but it's too late for that.

War Is Peace
Freedom Is Slavery
Ignorance Is Strength

Higher Education, my ass.

2005-07-23T14:47:00.000-05:00

I noticed a disturbing trend in College. A trend that rightfully should have ended in the third grade. Teachers are still using the check, check plus, check minus system to grade in College. Meaning either you get a perfect, a mid C or failure. Leaving absolutely no room for the complexity of the excercise or test. Unless there is only three yes or no answers on the test then this system is not appropriate for grading them.

In my final undergrad collegiate course, a law course, I had to write a legal brief. Simply put, you must read a supreme court ruling, which in it of itself is usually around 100 pages of reading. Then, you must cull it down to three to five pages of the straight to the point information. The holding, The dissenting opinions, the legal questions involved--stuff like that.

I got a check for a grade. This item was five percent the total grade in the class and it was graded using the terrible check, check plus, check minus system. This is a 400 level class, meaning the highest level undergraduate course. Shit, a grade like that makes me wonder, for a check plus would I've had to add a page of finger painting? Should I have been more quiet during naptime?

Beam him up, big guy

2005-07-20T21:11:00.000-05:00

Dark day my friends. James Doohan, best known for playing the part of Scotty on Star Trek and in the movies has passed. There were very few shows that affected me as a child. Ghostbusters, Indiana Jones, and Star Trek. I was a Young Astronaut in grade school and even went to Space Camp in the fourth grade. I was best acquainted with Mr. Doohan from his work in the Star Trek movies and always was drawn to him as my favorite. I enjoyed Kirk and Spock and Bones, but Scotty always shined to me as the least exploited. He always had a funny saying or some simple way of summing up.

I know he'd been ill with Alzheimer's for quite some time and he is now in a better place and isn't suffering anymore. From one Trekkie, he will be missed.

EDIT: Plans are that his ashes will be launched into space, as similarly done with Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry.

"The Great Building Hop"

2005-07-12T13:22:00.000-05:00

from 11-20-03 issue of Northern Star
By Chaz Wilke
Weekender Reporter

As the days get colder and the wind picks up, more people are forced to do the "Great Building Hop."

Anyone who's lived through a DeKalb winter knows the best way to a class isn't always the fastest. Finding a strategic passage through interconnected buildings is a must, especially for those people who refuse to wear winter clothing.

The best locations to get a good warm-up are generally on a linear pattern. Art and Music Building frequenters, I feel your pain; there's a good block that, no matter how one manages, must be traversed outdoors.

Some may not know, but DuSable, Reavis and Watson halls all are connected, and all boast warmth in the winter. A straight shot through Cole Hall and on to Neptune, and, bam, you're in Student Center City.

DuSable's heating system comes in the form of the human body. As they mentioned in "The Matrix," the human body is capable of producing 450 BTUs per hour. So, despite the constant door openings and closings, the temperature of DuSable remains delightfully cozy even during the coldest winter months. The sloshy, melty, snow-covered floors are another ordeal.

Neptune is generally unbearably warm during the winter; I equate it to either the Trident or the laundry facilities on the ground floor, or both. This warmth is welcome during the 30-below-zero wind-chill days.

The construction of Cole, with the straight shot through the middle, is ideal for a quick cut-through/warm-up. Cole always is warm in the center passage. I'm not certain why, but I'm not complaining. I'd much rather use Cole for a warm-up spot than actually take a class there. The warmth factor is much more comfortable than those cursed F+ Cole Hall seats.

I've never been in Barsema during the winter, but judging from the crisp, cool temperature during the hot summer days, they must have quite a good temperature control system. And hey, if that ever breaks, they can just start burning $100 bills.

"Eat it or beat it square!"

2005-07-12T13:06:00.000-05:00

from 10-23-03 issue of Northern Star
By Chaz Wilke
Weekender Reporter

College students always complain about food. While this complaint may be true on other campuses, here in DeKalb, there are some quality establishments at which to eat.

Last year I was in a residence hall, and now, living on my own, I realized it was like a dream. With free food upon demand, how much better can life get?

Lincoln Hall has some tasty food, but you have to wait for them to make it. You'll definitely want to check out the grilled ham and cheese. Also, late at night, when the mood strikes, those chicken fingers with some Sweet Baby Ray's hit the spot better than any other greasy food out there.

The food court in Stevenson Towers really is beyond words. It caters to almost any taste. I usually would fill, on average, three styrofoam containers of food, which lasted the whole night of mass reality-TV viewing.

Neptune Hall is like the Old Country Buffet of the cafeteria world; it's good at times, but damn dreadful the rest of the time. The Trident store gets accolades for serving chai tea, the ultimate warm beverage.

Grant Towers, specifically the Northern Lights Grill in Grant South, has bar none ... seriously now ... the world's greatest chicken nuggets.

Douglas Hall has the best fresh sandwiches made while you wait.

As for around campus, let's chew the fat a bit here.

Shelley's is awesome if you like the finest hot dogs this side of Stevenson. Great Wall has the best value with the lunch buffet, at $5 for all-you-can-eat and a drink.

As for McDonald's, I'll have to slow down to talk about this fine corporate conglomerate. The Lincoln Highway location still is tops and the entire dollar menu still is intact, but the one in the Holmes Student Center has fallen from grace.

"I'm sick of our fascist university jacking up the price of the McChicken 60 cents," said senior communication major Nicole Wolfgram.

If McDonald's keeps this up, they'll lose me to Wendy's, with its delicious $1 junior bacon cheeseburger.

Mexican restaurants are a dime a dozen in DeKalb. El Burrito Loco doesn't agree with me, but neither does senior history major Travis Hughes.

"El Burrito Loco," he said, "it's just good [stuff]."

For me, it's a tie. For authentic Mexican food, I go for Burritoville. But for the cheaper, Tex-Mex style, nothing beats Taco Bell.

When in the mood for noodles, heaven on earth is served by the plate at Thai Pavilion. Their Pad Thai (roughly translated to Thai noodles) is perhaps the most delicious substance I've ever had the glorious honor to eat.

As for the bad: Aside from the chicken sandwich, Burger King is a lost cause.

Best Quality: Thai Pavilion
Best Value: Taco Bell
Best Overall: Stevenson Towers

"'A' is for Acceptable"

2005-07-12T12:30:00.000-05:00

from 10-09-03 issue of Northern Star
By Chaz Wilke
Weekender Reporter

Cleavage. Premarital sex. Profanity. No, I'm not talking about the fourth installment of the "American Pie" saga.

I'm referring to "The Scarlet Letter," which opened last weekend at the Stevens Building's Players Theater. A modernization of the perennial classic tackles such racy issues and has plenty of eye candy for the casual play goer.

With characters in period costumes, I wondered exactly how the play was modernized. But the character interactions and dialogue have gotten a fresh spin for the 21st century.

Among the most interesting modernization was the set design. It appeared as if the entire play was performed within a whale's stomach, with a curved, white wooden floor and giant white steel rings that easily could have been passed off as whale ribs.

"The set design was partially influenced by the Japanese Noh theater, with the traditional Noh bridge," assistant stage manager Ben Cannon said.

They wanted the "sterile, white, kind of hospital environment where you can't hide," production stage manager Aaris Jackson said.

As far as the story, not much has changed -- a sad tale of adultery, infidelity and illegitimate children. The feel of emotional climaxes and the bizarre sexual taboo cleverly are conveyed through body language and facial features.

The acting troupe is a group of finely-trained thespians. Actor Scott McCulloch, who played Roger Chillingworth, studied acting in Toronto before coming to NIU, and is a member of the Canadian Actors Equity Association. McCulloch delivers a simply awe-inspiring performance and fleshes out the role to near perfection.

The only real gripe I had with "The Scarlet Letter" is that the daughter, whom is supposedly 7 years old, wore a dress that showed off an amount of cleavage that no 7-year-old rightly has.

When her age was mentioned during the course of the play, people actually gasped in disbelief.

The acting itself was solid, and everyone delivered a fine performance. Ann Sonneville, who played the daughter, Pearl, gave a believable performance as a 7-year-old. Her energetic flailing and romping about the stage expressed the amount of dedication she has to her craft.

The story wrapped up very well and didn't feel like it dragged as plays often do.

"Bustin' Ghosts in D-Town"

2005-07-12T12:28:00.000-05:00

from 10-09-03 issue of Northern Star
By Chaz Wilke
Weekender Reporter

Cue the Ray Parker Jr. music and get ready to ask "Who you gonna call?" Chaz is on the case of paranormal activity at NIU.

I dusted off my trusty proton pack and changed the nine-volt batteries in my PKE meter to find any truth to the rumors about the haunted buildings around campus.

Is NIU haunted? Any ghastly ghouls abound in your dorm room? There's the tall tale of the girl who returned to her dorm room to find her roommate slaughtered in Gilbert Hall. Other tales surround the Founders Memorial Library and the good ol' Holmes Student Center.

Students always blame the loss of their files on the computers in the Watson Hall video editing lab on witchcraft and trickanery, so I went to the source to find out for sure.

"No, [the loss of the files] is only correlated to people saving files in the incorrect place. I don't think there's any ghosts in here and I'm here pretty late at night." As I was informed that there were in fact no ghosts in the lab, professor extraordinaire Laura Vazquez was hastily taking to foot, and I had to scrawl down her words in a near-jog behind her. What was she hiding?

Things seemed hush-hush at the library; the main desk attendant dismissed me with a shifty-eyed answer, saying he hadn't heard of any ghost stories. What was he hiding?

The student center has a lot of human activity, but what about the paranormal? Senior media studies major John Ugolini, who's also a Northern Star cartoonist, noticed very strange activity on the 16th floor.

"Sundays at 6 p.m. when the dark moons align, the gates of hell open on the 16th floor of the Holmes Student Center as the almighty Beelzebub releases his hounds of Hades upon the innocent virgin souls," Ugolini said.

Someone wouldn't make up this extravagant story just to get their name in the paper; that would be just plain wrong. So I asked an undisclosed member of management at the HSC hotel staff, who asked to be called "Chris."

"It's all generated from the basement, that's the outlet," he said. "They had to alter the structure of the building. They had to change the roof to a point to channel the spirits away from the 16th floor."

Now I was getting somewhere. This anonymous yet credible source had provided me with the semi-solid information that all other credible sources were too afraid to uncover.

"There have also been reports of people taking the elevator and it automatically takes them to the 16th floor, and stays there," he added.

Seeing as the architecture of the building was engineered to open a portal to the netherworld, there clearly is a conspiracy afoot.

"Spring Break 2004: Destinatin DeKalb"

2005-07-12T12:26:00.000-05:00

from 3-04-04 issue of Northern Star
By Chaz Wilke
Weekender Reporter

"Spring Broke" quickly is approaching. After one more day, we have an entire week of absolute freedom.

Freedom from school, homework and annoying 8 a.m. classes. But where to go?

How about a place where you're sweating constantly, paying $4.50 for a mai tai with a fancy parasol and constantly questioning exactly what the locals were yelling to you as you passed by on your rented moped?

Why go anywhere? DeKalb can be the hottest destination on any Spring Break itinerary. The best reasons to stay put during "Spring Broke" are:

The weather. It’s taken a turn for the best, and we have prime frisbee-throwing weather on our hands.

The DeKalb winds. Coupled with the warm air, this is a prime kite-flying location.

Smaller crowds at the bars. There finally is one week where anyone can acquire a table at Starbusters on a Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday night.

Countless parks in the area. No matter where someone is in DeKalb, a great park is only blocks away and, with everyone picking up and leaving, there won't be any wait for the swings.

Did we mention no classes? There's a subtle beauty in sleeping late in your own bed and spending the entire week bedridden, getting up only for cereal and the occasional Saturday morning cartoon.

Golf. DeKalb has two great golf courses. With the weather prime for golfing, you can take advantage of a tee time that's not ungodly early.

Melodie Thomas, coordinator of contracts and assignments in NIU's Administrative Housing Office, said, "Right now, we got 175 students signed up [to stay in the residence halls for Spring Break]; we'll probably easily have about 50 students come in at the last minute."

With so few students in DeKalb, it's like that episode of "Pete and Pete" when little Pete and his friends get locked in the school — this whole place can be your personal playground.

Give Cancun a rest. After all, who needs all that sand in the shoes? Save your money, stay home, build a box fort and enjoy the week.

"Some Like Doin' it Outside"

2005-07-12T12:21:00.000-05:00

from 9-25-03 Issue of Northern Star
By Chaz Wilke
Weekender Reporter

Fall is in the air -- you know what that means. Make-out season is in full effect.

Walking down Greenbrier Road, I can just smell the saliva. I couldn't be more honored to be back in DeKalb, and once again be a part of the time-honored tradition of tonsil hockey with a 15-hour break each week for classes.

I've found that making out at parties is disgusting to the rest of the party goers, aside from the people that only manage to scream "WOO!"

Ah, alcohol, where would my love life be without it?

Most partners are all too surprised when they are caught in a relatively open area.

"Our headlights found a young woman lying by the fence. We thought she was just some chick that passed out, but it turns out she was spooning with a young gentleman. The intensity of our high-beams scared the two lovers off," said junior physics major Mike Himes.

This campus is chock full of small nooks to lock lips. Thanks to the massive amounts of construction around campus, it's easy to find a hidden, out-of-the-way place that ensures your privacy.

There's a bench shaded by a heart-shaped tree behind Davis Hall that is said to become more heart-shaped if you sit on the bench kissing your true love. But the legend of the kissing bench is well-known, so most likely it will be in use.

"The best place to make-out, I think, is the sociology computer lab. I've never actually made-out there, but with all those big computers, I'm sure it would be quite a turn on," graduate student Carissa Diesing said.

Also, there is this pipe behind the parking garage by the Psychology Building. It's big enough to snugly fit two people, so let your imagination run amuck there. Of course I've been told that it's festering with disease and snakes, but who really listens to reason in today's hectic topsy-turvy world?

When all else fails, the darkened reclusive sectors of the East Lagoon are prime smooching locations.

And then there's my personal favorite, the little clubhouse in the playground at the church behind the VCB. I've made one hot little number quite happy there. Wink, wink.

So, when it's time to voyage out into the brisk autumn air, remember there are more places around campus to get your swerve on than you can shake your tongue at.

Dawn of the Dead Review

2005-07-12T12:13:00.000-05:00

from 3-25-04 Issue of Northern Star
Chaz Wilke
Weekender Reporter

There is an indescribable feeling you get by viewing a movie in the theater. Sharing an experience with 200 like-minded people who all are there to watch a movie is great.

This feeling always is heightened when the movie is a thriller. With every twist and turn, the audience not only feels connected to the characters on-screen but to their peers in the theater as well.

"Dawn of the Dead" evokes such a feeling. This movie breaks the drought of great thriller movies since last summer's "28 Days Later."

This review could bore into the differences between the 1978 version and the present one, but it all seems unnecessary because the remake has legs of its own.

It ran the audience into a frenzy with a beautiful mix of tension, horror, comedy and what always seems lacking in today's remakes -- fully fleshed-out characters with actual back stories and development.

Notable among the cast was a larger-than-life Ving Rhames, Sarah Polley, best known for her performance in "Go", and "Max Headroom" himself, Matt Frewer.

A few actors who played zombies in the original came back to reprise their roles in this remake.

Perhaps the finest aspect of this film was the visual delivery.

It had perfect crisp imagery and groundbreaking wide shots with an unbelievable attention to color. Despite the amount of gore on-screen, it was hard to look away because everything was delivered so professionally.

This movie has an easy mark to be hated by many factions of people, especially by those who feel remakes spit on the original and those who hate excessive gore.

But this movie was presented in such a professional package that everyone would be doing themselves a disservice by not running out and seeing it immediately on the big screen in the middle of a packed theater.

A Great Quote to Chew On.

2005-07-11T20:21:00.000-05:00

"A culture that simplifies its entertainment down to fairy tales is doomed to simplify the world down to good and evil."

I'll tell you I have found this to be so completely true when discussing with others the idea behind "terrorism." It's a touchy subject, but why should it be? Everyone fights for ideals, and when all forms of verbal communication are exhausted, it appears this world deems violence necessary to make statements.

Don't think for a second that America is right, or good, or Godlike as some factions believe. We are, in essence, a corporation looking to protect our assets and investments. And if anyone stands up to this corporation, we destroy them. I'm not validating the atrocities that have happened, and thusly caused unneeded bloodshed...but, understand there is reason behind it all, and nothing is as cut and dry as Good and Evil.

And the Peasants Rejoice...

2005-07-11T17:34:00.000-05:00

The official e-mail has been received, I have passed Spanish 202. Never again will I need to bend over backwards applying extraneous "o"'s on words. I've gathered all my materials from past Spanish classes and will be burning them. It will be glorious as the black carcinogenic smoke of success fills my lungs, I will try as hard as possible to purge all knowledge of that language from my head and sprinkle it over the flames.

WizardWorld Quickly Approaching.

2005-06-30T23:21:00.000-05:00

The watermark in Comic Conventions, Wizard World, is quickly approaching. August 4th-7th at the Donald E. Stevens convention center in Rosemont. Every year it's a blast and I highly suggest everyone to attend. The company I'm doing a project for has a table--Quality Quill. This year though Jim Lee and Frank Miller are the guests of honor, I just can't wait.

In Loo of Common Horrors.

2005-06-22T16:02:00.000-05:00

I present to you a tale of unspeakable horrors, the likes of which could only be found...in the Toilet Zone.

Meet Chaz, 22 years of age, a good roommate and diligent student. Everything Chaz has known will be turned upside down moments before he is to leave for his three hour law class. Some thought his toilet was uncloggable...they are fools.

The clog turned vicious when a consecutive flush pushed the limits of capacity for water in the bowl.

For those of you who have never Caused/Witnessed/Cleaned-up a toilet overflow, consider yourselves highly lucky, but unfortunately, statistically all of you will suffer from at least one in your lifetime.

A toilet overflow is the absolute scariest thing your faithful narrator has ever experienced. It took a half a roll of paper towels to clean up and nearly made Chaz a tardy student.

A flute with no holes...

2005-06-15T15:31:00.000-05:00

The other night I was offered a bagel by my girlfriend/roommate Jaime. I said..."no, not right now." But then the next morning I felt like a bagel. I ate the offered aformentioned bagel only to get pounced on when Jaime awoke.

I figured if I had taken the bagel last night it would be gone anyway. Plus since I said "not right now" there wouldn't be a problem. in the end I got yelled at, she said I was inconsiderate and all those buzz words that float around our apartment.

What's the courtesy on that? Is there an experation date on offers for food as well?

Thank you very much-a, Mr. Roboto

2005-06-08T16:09:00.000-05:00

I picked up this little gem at my local vinyl shoppe. Most people remember only "Mr. Roboto" as a kitchy silly song. But this album has so much more to offer than that.
Kilroy Was Here is the monumental "me too" concept album that destroyed Styx. Dennis De Young's vision of the not too distant future incorperated the dichotomy between technology and humanity, loads of drug abuse and stereotypical Phillipino robots to do all the jobs that we don't want to do.

The storyline was fairly basic, Dr. Righteous created the MMM, The Majority for Musical Morality, and using his Cable-TV network was able to pursuade the masses that rock 'n' roll and it's permissive attitudes were responsible for the moral and economic decline of America, therefore banning it. Basically consider it the fantasy version of what Pat Robertson is doing to the Democrats with the 700 Club.

"The present is a future [Yes, it really says that] where japanese manufactured robots, designed to work cheaply and endlessly, are the caretakers of society. "Mr. Robotos" are everywhere, serving as manual labor in jobs that were once held by humans...
Dr. Righteous enforces his own morality by holding nightly rallies where crowds hurl rock 'n' roll records and electric guitars into huge bonfires..."

Kilroy, our hero, was on tour during all this, he comes back to the states to play his last show and Dr. Righteous is there with mobs of his supporters, he shuts down Kilroy's show, but in the confusion a MMM member is killed. Killroy is arrested and sent to stay on a Prision Ship with "other Rock 'n' Roll misfits."

Johnathon Chance, the leader of the underground resistance, attempts to break the mind controlling spell they have Kilroy under. It works and Kilroy escapes by wearing parts of a Mr. Roboto. Once back on Earth, Kilroy stays in hiding but communicates with the underground resistance by leaving graffitti coded messages. Johnathon Chance discovers the "Rock Code" and meets with Kilroy for the first time...

Then the album starts...and sucks.

Banking on the success of Animals, Tommy, and The Wall, it seemed that Styx could pull it off, except for the fact that absolutely no one has ever taken this band seriously.

The final nail in their coffin is that they tried to perform a stage show of all this. There is something morbily fascinating watching a 48 minute train wreck.

The orinigal price tag was on this album, 49 cents. I payed a buck for it, but I'm glad to own perhaps one of the absolute worst albums ever concieved.

200 Channels of Addiction

2005-06-04T02:36:00.000-05:00

As a treat in the last few months of living in DeKalb, we've decided to go in on a killer deal from Comcast. High speed internet and Digital Cable with 11 blessed channels of HBO for 50 bucks month. After having it for a month now I can definitely say, without a doubt, it's better than crack cocaine sprinkled over a recently deceased hooker.

At any given time I can watch 3 different episodes of King of the Hill, I can check in on the lads across the pond on BBC, we even have the laughably bad G4 channel which is a gaming channel hosted by exactly what 50 something men in suits think is cool people.

Somehow today HBO was able to wrangle me in to three movies, Anything Else, The Girl Next Door, is it wrong to have been rooting for Timothy Olyphant's character? And Never Scared, the Chris Rock HBO special. That's a whopping 6 hours of viewing, alas I also got suckered in to watching the World Championship of Darts. I shit you not, and the way they present it, you actually get into it. It's disgusting.

I'm not even going to get into On Demand. All I have to say is, you can watch Last Action Hero any fucking time you want...for free.

Best drug in the world...and it comes with a remote.

Off my chest, and on to the Internet.

2005-05-29T02:39:00.000-05:00

I am really getting sick of Star Wars. As a child of the eighties, we learned about the so called "Holy Trilogy" through nostalgia, toys, and the like. I remember my first encounter with a galaxy far, far, was a vader toy box filled with various toys from the movie. My grandparents got it from a garage sale, and I enjoyed the toys only as much as regular action figures...my favorite being C3PO, because he was shiny. I like shiny things.

Now I feel upset because of the sudden upheaval of this series. It's everywhere, and I really don't know how to feel. I've found myself hunting down a new C3PO to replace my long since sold off old one. I just find it annoying to be constantly bombarded by rampant ads by Pepsi, Lays potato chips, and Burger King compercials featuring these long sought after but little cared about characters from decades past.

I'd like to say it is a persistent trend of reaccuring fads, a la, Ninja Turtles, Transformers and what not. But this seems to be a more fierce, in your face campain. It makes me uneasy, beside the fact that every red blooded human is now a fan (there were far too many hot chicks at the midnight showing of what should have rightfully been a nerdfest) but also what I've become, I hoard cereal boxes with Vader's face on them, unwittingly buy pop tarts just because of the Star Wars tie in, eat boxes upon boxes of Corn Pops just to collect Saber Spoons. This has got to stop. I was a mediocre fan of the movies when I was a child, but honestly I couldn't tell a wookie from a wampa, and to be frank, I could get buy without knowing the difference.

Attack of the Blinth

2005-05-26T15:28:00.000-05:00

Our voyage to the midnight showing of Star Wars 3 was almost a little too epic. Way too much planning went into it, we had to plan to meet up with people and pick up people and manage to get there early enough to manage good seats.

AMC closed the entire theatre that day to prepare for the midnight showing. All thirty screens were playing Revenge at midnight. The plus side of this was that we could sit in the theatre and not in a line dynamic. At first this seemed to be ideal. But we got there four and a half hours early. Sitting in those seats, however comfortable, became like a marathon run without moving. The hours slowly slipped by, with the occasional stretch and smoke break. Then when it started knowing it would be another three hours before we could get out of there, I was overwhelemed with a defeatist attitude. And beyond that I had this terrible back pain for reasons which I don't know, I guess just too agressive sitting. So the whole movie I was trying to reposition to find a comfortable spot which...was never found.

The movie itself was decent, at first I said I liked Attack o de Clones better, but then after rewatching that one I have to say...Lucas learned from his mistakes and Revenge is better. Not necessarily by far. But he always used to start out these movies with tedious dialogue and setting up the story. Three has a good half hour of action to kick it off, which to me, just makes the movie that much more accessable. I can foresee Revenge being a movie I'd pop in while eatting lunch later in life, with minimal fast forwarding. Ewan gave the best performance, but my favorite character is R2, he really stole the show. In the end, I'd recommend it, in fact I got my parents to go see it in theaters, which is a huge accomplishment. They are what I like to call reverse vampires, they have to be in before dark. It's really sad to see them cooped up all the time, but it's understandable why they don't like the theaters. Countless times I've had to deal with bros and stooges and the like answering phones or chatting or just downright being nasty in theatres.

May...I cut your pants into shorts?

2005-05-17T21:03:00.000-05:00

It really is indescribable exactly how enjoyable May is in the midwest. I think the reason it is so lovely is due to the overly terrible winter weather in Chicago. Today I took a leisurely bike ride down to the Northern TV Studio, so I can start on the famed Demo Reel. I'm fretting making it, because besides people scrutinizing what you've done so far, I worry about the format of the reel itself. Should there be some cohesive elements that string the clips along? Or, would it be best to just have a bunch of random clips rapid fire?

At any rate, my buddy from Vegas is coming in tomorrow so we can go to the midnight showing of Revenge of the Sith. I figure anyone my age is allowed to Geek Out about a new and most likely last Star Wars. Although I have heard roumors of a Young Indiana Jones type show in the Star Wars universe. Personally I'd rather see a situational comedy with R2 and C3p0 sharing a small apartment in the upperwest side, trying to make it at a soda bottling company.

The real world doesn't scare me...well maybe just a little.

2005-05-15T16:26:00.000-05:00

So be that as I am graduating from NIU, I have aquired a job penning a new comic book for a Chicago based publishing company. I'm not sure how much I can legally divulge about my work in progress but, it's basically a gritty detective novel set in the future. The main themes are persecution, isolation, and self-discovery. I'm hoping to finish the script for the first issue this week, because we're hoping to release it at Wizard World this year.

Needless to say, I am extatic that I have this opportunity. I've always been a comic nerd, now I can give back to an industry that's shaped me so much in my formative years.

Everybody Loves Updates

2005-05-14T21:30:00.000-05:00

About a year has passed since our last one. So I updated the look of the website and finally got around to changing the domain to the proper name. Expect more to come. Will Ferral is hosting SNL tonight, I suggest everyone tune in.

Accosted with Keyes

2004-08-11T22:01:00.000-05:00

My mother was visiting DeKalb recently as we were accosted by a person on the street with a microphone attached to a minidisc player. The interviewer claimed to be with NPR and wanted to know our thoughts on Alan Keyes decision to run for Illinois Senate.

As clear as it was the girl was not from or vaguely affiliated with NPR, it got me thinking of the new Republican candidate from Maryland.

Here we go:

Alan Keyes ran for president in 2000, got nary a percent of the nations vote. Also was one of the biggest objectors to Hillary Clinton's move to New York to become a senator there, calling her the nation's biggest carpetbagger. So sorry Allen, you are. Not to mention the nation's biggest hypocrite.

The election is sealed for Illinois Senate. And I'll have you know one thing, if Barack was in the U.S. senate in 2000, he would have damn well signed the contest of election of George W. Bush. Something no member of the Senate did.

Heed my word folks, the next four years are going to be much much better than the past four.

No Feet.

2004-08-10T18:56:00.000-05:00

I'm rockin the sans-serif now for all my posts, it makes it much easier to read. And for all you latin lovers out there sans-serif means without feet.

I got a dingy on my bouy.

2004-08-10T13:55:00.000-05:00

My bro is going to war, his unit just got "activated" and come thursday they are going to the gulf. Not much harm for a naval unit though, seeing as we are fighting infants as far as war technology goes. Unless they uncover some of those phantom weapons of mass destruction.

Here's an interesting double standard. Check out the difference between the recruting navy.com versus the official Navy.mil

It's similar to movie rides.
You know how when you're about to go on one of those crappy seat shaking three dee movie rides, and before you get into your seat generally you need to watch a preliminary movie to set up the ride's storyline.
It's always real bad ass and get's you real psyched, then when it's done, the lights come up and you remember just where you are, and some snot nosed teenager with an inidentifiable accent proceeds to command you where to go. Then it's always just down hill from there.

Very similar to those two sites, one's all the sizzle and the other is the true deal.

I don't know...I seem to have lost all momentum on that thought.

The Final Nail in the Coffin of Creativity

2004-08-06T02:24:00.000-05:00

By: Chaz Wilke
Weekender Reporter

"Everybody wants a slinky. Slinky. Slinky. Go Slinky Go!"

The Original Slinky Walking Spring Toy. A toy that not only walks, bounces, springs, juggles, flips and jiggles, but also does the most death defying end over end somersaults down a staircase this side of Evil Knievel. All this for less than two bucks? Yes, and what fun are we going to have with this wonderful invention, a toy with no less than six adjective slapped right there on the box.

I get it home and open it immediately, so excited I almost overlook exactly what came out of the box and start envisioning the joy that will soon follow. But, there it sat on my desk, a slinky, what looked like a spring that had put in too many hours on the job, it didn't want to move, it sat there all coiled up like a really long lazy metallic snake.

I picked it up and started the standard shift from one hand to the next seeing exactly which of these six adjectives on the side of the box it would actually live up to.

Walk: If they meant stumble like a sixty year old homeless wino? then yes. it walked perfectly.

Bounce: Not in this life, maybe before it became the docile spring I saw before me.

Spring: Refer to the title to debunk this adjective, it doesn't spring it slinks.

Juggle: Since juggling is the act of managing more items than one has hands, it'd be impossible to juggle one slinky, and it's not recommend juggling more than one, because they would quickly become intertwined, and if one lesson was learned from a corded phone, it was those coils are nearly impossible to get pulled apart.

Flip: This will be discussed a little later.

Jiggle: The one adjective that the slinky can really live up to, it jiggled with the best of them, but jiggling too hard would get it all stuck together, causing the same problem as with juggling.

Upset at the fact my new toy was generally worthless, there was one test that needed to be administered--The Infamous Stair Walk.

The first staircase was a bust; the original reasoning was that it was carpeted. So the slinky went for a field trip around NIU, testing most every staircase on campus. Not a single staircase would suffice for this overly picky coiled piece of metal.

The escalators in the Library were actually working for once, and figuring that the stair depth would be standard for all escalators this would be a prime testing ground. After one stair the slinky rolled over and was able to fall down another. The only reason it reached the bottom is because the escalator carried it down. The hopes of an endless slinky run on the upwards running escalator was dashed by the inability to traverse the distance of one stair.

The stairs outside the library had the same depth problem, it appears the architects were more worried about pedestrian safety than slinky usage.
The staircase in the parking garage had promise because from the naked eye they appeared to be steeper than any other staircase attempted. With some coercing the slinky made it down two stairs.

The stairs outside the Campus Life Building and Watson hall were too wide for the slinky to make it down more than one stair.

Every staircase attempted at NIU proved too deep for an adequate slinky run.
NIU is now unfortunately classified not slinky-centric.

The longest run this toy had was when I accidentally knocked ol' slink off my desk and it walked onto my thigh, then my chair then onto the floor.

Cold and defeated the slinky returned to its original resting place, inside it's packaging where the overly colorful box art was hard pressed to disappoint.

Artificial Intellegence.

2004-08-05T13:11:00.000-05:00

Let's recap the reasons for taking New York and D.C. to orange fear level.

The Democratic convention just wrapped, this is a good way to prevent the current administration from addressing any questions surrounding Kerry's proposed plan for the nation.

It's a brilliant idea to raise the fear level right after the Democratic convention and lower it right before the Republican convention, which they invariably will do.

The reasoning for raising it, is because of intellegence they recieved four years ago.

Either that, or they got it from a four year old. Which, I wouldn't rule out for this administration.

Synchronicity is too Random for Me.

2004-08-04T00:14:00.000-05:00

I feel beyond scatterbrained today, so here is a few links for you folks to chew on.

I've since officially switched to itunes permanently. It's the most streamlined computer music player out there.

Check out JibJab. It has a wonderfully saterical political flash cartoon on it. Thanks to my mother for sending me the link.

I've been working overtime on my new webpage for class. Screen Masters is getting the Chaz makeover. This little known company is a screen printing service for T-shirts and what have you. In fact, they are going to auction off their assets soon, this web page being included in the deal.

Other random updates:

The tennants in my apartment are all getting switched around, and are causing me angst because we all need to be in one place at one time to sign different people on and off the lease.

One of these incoming tennants is my girlfriend Jaime.

-End Communication.

Throw Credibility into the Wind.

2004-08-01T12:26:00.000-05:00

Friday night I went begrudgingly to see Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. I really didn't want to see this movie, I figured it was going to be some stupid stereotypical teen movie that glorified weed or drinking or sex.
What I found was a fantastic journey tale, where the utmost importance to the leads were purely to get to a white castle and gorge on sliders. It was a refreshing deviation from the teen exploitation films that have been made so often due to the damned success of American Pie.
Now I know what you're saying, wasn't it done by the same guy who did Dude, Where's My Car? Yes it was. And if any of you actually spent the time to watch it, you'd know that the second half of that movie was absolutely brilliant.
So go see Harold and Kumar, even if you're not some stoner junkie, you'll be suckered in to rooting for the overly compelling lead characters.

Trailer: Hi-Res | med-res | lo-res

Coincidence?

2004-07-31T12:45:00.000-05:00

There's a little known secret organization on the campus of Yale, an organization obsessed with the macabre and secrecy, more importantly an organization that has seen both George W. Bush, and John Kerry as members.

Basically this "Skull and Bones" organization recruits 15 of the highest scholastically ranking seniors at yale each year. They perform rituals and rites of passage which include masturbating in coffins and a three hour retelling of each member's sexual past.

The purpose of all of this is to not only get all of the members into high power positions in the world but also to create bonds so tight between the members of this organization that ever going against what the Skull and Bones commands would be similar to breaking the bond of trust with fourteen of your closest friends.

There is a great website with a very indepth analysis and ramifications of the hapless position we are in, voting between skull members. Parascope.com has an abundance of information on this topic, and although it's a little late to do anything about it...it's best to get informed about where either of the candidates will take us in this "new world order."

Easy there, Tiger.

2004-07-29T18:16:00.000-05:00

Before anyone jumps on my ass about adding the link to the upcoming Republican Convention website, hear me out. How can you be expected to make an educated decision on this year's election, and avoid being called biggoted without examining the cards on both sides of the table?

I am in no way supporting the re-election of GWB, I am only providing anyone who comes through here the ability to examine both sides. I understand the president-elect has run this country into the ground, but there very well could be a stance change during these speeches at this election.

This is a time to open our ears to both sides, and think for ourselves...don't become a mindless campain whore for either side...we aren't groupies, neither candidate is Morrissey. Make a strong unbiased opinion for yourself.

Big Nite.

2004-07-29T17:55:00.000-05:00

Tonight is John Kerry's big night in the spotlight. He's gone on record saying "if you didn't know me before, you will after the convention." It's been announced that he will also have a "unique" entrance to get up on the stage.

Check out the Democratic National Convention website for up to the minute news and highlights or the speeches in their entireity of all the big speakers. Also if you have a fast enough connection, you can watch the whole thing streamed in off the internet.

A Date that will Live in Infamy.

2004-07-28T10:34:00.000-05:00

7:09 A.M. Central Standard Time, Wednesday, July 28th, 2004. Domino my rat has passed on. The past few days he has been suffering from an unknown illness, and it just became too much for him.

I was awake and watching as he went into his final seizure, his right side went dead before his left, he struggled a great deal, then just fell to his side, exhausted from fighting the illness.

Domino was the best animal I have ever come in contact with, albeit the FDA refuses to acknowledge rodents as animals. Then I must say today I have lost a friend, a great friend. One that was always excited when I arrived home and wanted nothing more than to play with me.

Domino, you will be missed.

Nun Soup.

2004-07-27T16:34:00.000-05:00

It has dawned on me that I forgot to follow up on a sober retelling of Short Circuit night.

Dizzying Highs:

Johnny Five's lustful quest for input.
Multiple fish out of water moments.
His incessent quoting TV and Movie lines.

Devistating Lows:

Remembering he wasn't really called Johnny Five intill the last three seconds of the movie.
Fisher Stevens' decline in acting ability between one and two.
The total lack of Steve Guttenberg and Ally Sheedy in the sequal.

Creamy Middle:

The comfort in the fact I spent a whole evening with good folk, cold beer, and a childhood hero.

Quiz 2

2004-07-27T14:06:00.000-05:00

1. three.

2. target="stuff"

3. "150, *"

4. target="_top"

5. frameset

Second to none.

2004-07-26T12:35:00.000-05:00

This past weekend, I was treated to an outting to Second City. Their 90th reveue "Doors Open to the Right," was a scathingly political and topically fueled show. The entire show surrounded the idea that everything going wrong in the world is Steve Bartman's fault. The notorious Cubs victory slayer. And in the end they revisited what happened that fateful night at wrigley only this time Bartman didn't interfere, and Alou ended up botching the catch anyway.

Of course the real story wasn't on the stage, as it so rarely is. In my case it was the bachelorette party that was positioned directly to the right of me. Anyone who's been to Second City knows, that they pack everyone in tight, leg room is a rare luxury.

So elbows length away was a group of five or six women getting drunk on the fact that this may be the last girls night out in a long time. So they capitalized on the "Woo-ing" factor and jovial joshing and jumping about, of course let's not forget all the nudging to the bride to be who sat directly next to me whenever a marital sketch was taking place.

What this all ment to me was: "woo-ing" and consequently the incessent "what did they say when I woo-ed" ment I missed a good portion of the set-up, delivery, or both. The drinking led to more woo-ing. The joshing and jumping about ment hundreds of elbow to rib collides. I, of course, provided the ribs. And the stupid nudging when there was a marital sketch going on made me pray for the forthcoming divorce...which statistics now say is more than likely to happen.

Enjoy your last few days of single life ladies...it sure beats creepy horny divorced old lady who hits on the bag boy at Jewel.

Shorter Circuit.

2004-07-24T01:52:00.000-05:00

Drunken Post removed due to stupidity level...real review tomorrow.

I feel...alive.

2004-07-23T19:00:00.000-05:00

Tonight marks a grand evening in my apartment. Short Circuit night. That's right Short Circuit one and two in the same evening. Now I know what you're saying..."but Chaz, these two movies are so drastically different. One has Steve Guttenberg, and one has Michael McKean, won't your brain explode?"

To that I say, I have ten Ice Houses chilling in my fridge as we prepare, the alcohol effects should stage off any hemmorage of the brain or subsequent explosions.

A new update after Short Circuit night has wrapped; full of all the stellar highs, the devistating lows, and a little robot that only craved eeeenput.

9/11 Commission Report Released.

2004-07-22T17:14:00.000-05:00

Check out the 567 page findings of a non-partisan committe at National Commission on Terrorist Attacks Upon the United States.

Fanboys Unite.

2004-07-22T13:18:00.000-05:00

Target has since put the Clone Wars animated figures on clerance. Making these toys the hottest ticket in town for under five bucks.

I picked up Asajj Ventress, and the total presentation and quality of the toy is true hasbro all the way. She comes with a stand with the Star Wars logo embossed on it. She stands beautifully without the stand, so ideas are already swarming on what to do with it...my first guess was belt buckle, but I don't know if the plastic would be durable enough.

If you've ever liked Star Wars, or the art of the in house studio at Cartoon Network, I highly suggest checking them out.

Rediculous Tales of Heroism.

2004-07-22T00:08:00.000-05:00

I came across a very interesting article. Terror in the Skies, again? written by Annie Jacobsen is the most ludacris tale of "heroism" I've ever had the joy of reading. She writes about her flight where 14 arab (later proven to be syrian) were talking "arabic" and "nodding as if agreeing on something." Long story short it's a three thousand word essay on nothing. Nothing happened, and she still proceeded to research new terrorist methods for days afterwards, pretend to be through a tramatic event, and write this terrible peice, which consequently has been picked up by CNN, MSNBC, and New York Times. Heralded as a "must read."

Back in the Saddle, Again.

2004-07-21T21:42:00.000-05:00

So, this page has gotten a face lift, no small chore at that. On the plus side it shares more Chaz-centric content than any other place on the net. Getting down to business; I am aware that recently it's become hip to say that you're political and all that jive, and I say to that...finally. The first fad that could actually mean a good outcome. This is like the antithesis of the Valley Girl fad, totally.

As far as interesting happenings in the world, I am very excited about tomorrow's release of the 9/11 commision's findings. Although the past few days, some juicy tid bits have been released, tomorrow will be a historic day, none this less. Of these tid bits, the possibility that it was Iran not Iraq involved in harboring terrorists...whoops. Oh and side note...I refuse to sit idle and watch one more person use the damn joke about going to war over a typo, enough already.

The other tid bit that I found rather useless is the security camera footage of the terrorists going through security checks and getting on the plane. Personally, I think this is just spreading salt on the wound, there is nothing that we could gain from this beside having something as the top story on the evening news.

Democratic convention to kick off soon, and John Kerry vows that if you "don't know him well by now, just wait." So expect some serious fan fare, guitar playing, and celebrity name dropping. But seriously, John Kerry's a good man, not too far left to send the nation into shock if he were elected, or to drop all pursuit of stabilizing Iraq, plus he is thinks me cool enough to be his friend on friendster.

Dumpster Diving Season is upon us.

2004-07-21T01:56:00.000-05:00

As the summer unwinds, the folk lucky enough to live around an apartment complex are treated to free stuff. Sure it may not smell store bought, or look brand new, there may even be a reason why someone threw out the item.

But the point is...it's free. Last year was good...this year is shaping up to be great. Let's break it down. So far I've personally aquired:

One Shirt
One Sweater
One Dresser to accomidate my undergarments and the top fits all my entertainment jive.
Two powerpuff girl stuffed figures

And that's just in three days.

Dumpster diving is an institution around these parts, infact while I was aquiring my dinner in the dumpster (an unopened box of pasta roni) people actually drove up from God know's where, to look through that particular dumpster, which leads me to the only inevitable question.

There are other dumpsters out there in that crazy world...so, what am I missing?

ix chapter 9 answers

2004-07-19T13:11:00.001-05:00

1. It appears to be night with falling stars that are the words, and sounds of crickets and water are in the distance. I think this poem about well...seeing as it was written on 9/11, that's a hard date to get around. So let's say that the poem was written about the "murmer" that the al queda "insects" made on our soil.

2. I actually felt that it wen't air earth water, because the poem words fall in the end on to a reflective surface and dither out.

3. Air and earth appear at generally the same time, and water natures great solvent comes and washes it all away.

4. I think the sequence I chose works correctly for what very well may be the meaning of the poem, of course that date, once more is hard to get past, seeing as they make it very apparent in the bottom of the screen.

ix Chapter 8 answers

2004-07-19T13:11:00.000-05:00

1. I started with flowers emerging from the ground.The footsteps signify babies first steps to conformity, then the education process, a cookie cutter program to unify any individual thought, the grocery asile shows us as we leave high school, exactly the same as anyone else, then a crowd shot is of college, unique face just lost in the crowd, then finally comes individuality to those who choose it after the education process, then marraige, then we're all just old junk cars in the end burried on top of one another.

2. oh definitely.

3. yes, very much so...music would solidify my point.

ix chapter 7 answers

2004-07-18T23:57:00.000-05:00

1. I had the title and description up high and the author down low...mainly because that's usually how it is on books.

2. The clouds are the most important piece, the conveyence of freedom. I felt that the cover shouldn't be bogged down with text, because it would make the cover feel restricted, and that would be contradictory to the sense of flight.

3. I remade the yeah yeah yeah's cover for fever to tell. I felt the original was too cluttered, I went for a two color and black background text with a simple picture of a teddy bear with pins in it's stomach, and a spotlight beaming down on it. It conveys the feel of the music much better that way.

Quiz One Question 2

2004-07-15T14:11:00.000-05:00

Kuro5hin.org is a simple monochromatic, no holds barred blog on just about everything. It as well manages to fill the screen with unobtrusive information that feels organized and well placed. The text of the site feels as if it would appeal to the tech side of the audience spectrum, due to the crisp clean layout and blue on white design (very mac).

The pourpose as most blogs are to sum up that days events in annotated links and interesting facts of the happenings of particular fields, and even though this webpage says it covers everything, I feel from the layout and color coordination alone, that it appeals to the tech/science audience.

The emphasis on the first page is definitly the name and logo of the organization kuro5hin, it doesn't demand to be looked at, but it is clearly intended to be the first thing to be seen. It's not obtrusive due to the continuous color scheme, so it fits qutie well.

The layout manages well with the three collum layout, and stays away from the cluttered look, it manages and submanages categories with headlines and boxed headlines.

Quiz 1 Question 1

2004-07-15T14:05:00.000-05:00

The elements of Television Without Pity, manage to fill the screen but lack the general cluttered look as does Yahoo. The contrast of colors on the website is slight to minimum, with an arangment of pastel colors mixed with various greys, create an easy on the eye layout without anything demanding to be read. This causes a much more laid back and browse at your own leisure feel to the reader. The text of this page is as I said before, not as abrupt as many pop ups feel, no coarse animations or demanding images, just a very well laid out subtly colored webpage that makes the reader feel at ease.

The pourpose most definitely is to sum up the happenings in the world of TV that day, with headlines and breaking news about shows and other gossip. And the auidience would be that of avid to hardcore TV viewers.

Then you start to yell at them on the street "HEY DENTIE"

2004-07-15T00:57:00.000-05:00

I had to get up early this morning to voyage to the dentist at nine. Had a date with a drill to clear up two cavities, generally I don't do well with needles, drills, or the fact that both would be penetrating my tender virgin teeth.

Upon getting in the chair and the preliminary drilling commenced, the dentist noticed that one of my two cavities was a "cherry bomb" style cavity...where it looked small at first but under the surface, it blossomed into a veritable "cherry" of tooth decay.

Long story short, he said it was two shakes of a persian kitten's whiskers away from needing a root canal, he loaded me up with novicane and drilled for an hour and a half. Novicane may take away the pain but the sound and the vibrations made up for that missing sensation. On the plus side he gave me a perscription for precious narcotics. Which I plan to sell to school children on my lunch break.

ix Chapter Six Answers

2004-07-14T21:23:00.000-05:00

1. The girls face, and arm. Because they are the whitest out of a prodominately grey frame.

2. The bright green shirt, and the yellow on the couch. They are very vibrant and command the eye. They definitely change the emphasis and direct it away from what is in the center on the image.

3. The warm tones intensify the surrounding area around the girl, and the cool tones intensify the girl herself. The tonal balance definitely changes how I read this image.

ix Chapter Five Answers

2004-07-14T21:15:00.000-05:00

In an effort to make sure I don't lose my answers as the past two times, I'm directly posting them, unfortunately doing it this way I lose the questions. cest la vi.
-----------------------
1. Alcohol abstinence is being sold. The ad is to either the avid non-drinkers or a precautionary statement to drinkers.

2. Without knowing what they are parodying, it would be rather hard to decifer the ad. The intended audience is the same, the general well informed public who have come in contact with the real absolut ads. It is effective, it resembles the real ads quite well.

3. Again, without knowing what AA is, it loses all effectiveness, the general informed public would be the ones that get the joke.

4. it is not necessary to know the company behind this ad, if it was, it would be more prominent in the ad.

5. The answers changed very little, mainly because I knew all the outlying facts that were asked later. Perhaps I was too biased knowing what absolut was and what AA was...I think I have a problem...and the first step is admitting it, they best save one of those chairs for me.

ix Chapter Four Answers

2004-07-13T23:36:00.000-05:00

Q1. This version uses several different alignments. Name the new alignment
of the business card itself (is it horizontally aligned or vertically
aligned?). How does this affect how you interpret this card?
A1. It's alligned vertically it appears, no matter how you hold it. A
rather interesting attempt at a more interactive buisness card, stimulates
the viewer to read all the information, rather than skim the whole thing
in one glance.

Q2. Is the flamingo image aligned with any of the text elements? Would it
seem as effective and strong a design if the flamingo were larger?
A2. The flamingo could take more space, but that may detract from the size
and meaning of the words.

Q3. Which version of this card uses alignment most effectively, and why do
you think it's the most effective?
A3. Most effectively I would have to say this freeforall here, it's such a
detachment from what I've seen before, and stimulates me to read all the
bits of information, instead of skim it as a whole.

--------------------

On a side note, I am having trouble recieving the sets of answers from both chapters assigned...I got one of the two, and I recall you (Matt) getting only one of the two from the first two chapters...if I could get some help with this problem, it would be much appreciated.

ix Chapter One Answers

2004-07-12T23:51:00.000-05:00

Q1. What are the major elements in this ad? Remember that the examples
you've seen include words or groupings of words, images, boxed frames,
etc.
A1. "Freeze" and the male figure and the prominently colored altoids
tin.

Q2. Do the words at the bottom of the ad represent one or two elements?
To
be one element, they would need to function as a single item to have one
main meaning. To be more than one element, there must be some contrast
between the words that separates them.
A2. I'd consider the second line of wording to be more of a subscript,
or
explanation to the first element...therefore making it a sub element.

Q3. What elements provide the most contrast in this ad? Remember that
contrast can take advantage of color and size. If there is more than one
element that provides contrast, which one do you see first when you look
at the ad? Why do you think you notice that one first? (Is it because of
size, color, or some other design feature?) What element is it in
contrast
with to make it stand out the most?
A3. Color is the main contrast, Freeze is the most promenent seconded
only
by the Altoids tin.

Chaz Introduction

2004-07-12T14:57:00.000-05:00

Who: Chaz
Why: Took this class out of interest in topic and to fill requisite elective
Major: Comms w/ intensity in Media Studies
Other production Classes: 357/358/426/436
Computer Savvy: I used to work as a technician and Business Machines Specialist at Office Depot
Best Place to Eat in Dekalb: Best place overall Thai Pavilion, Best on a tight budget Taco Bell
Best Place to Eat anywhere else: I really think Thai Pavilion is the best food I've ever eatten.
Best Album/Movie/Book/Band I've encountered this year:
Album: Transantlantism
Movie: American Splendor
Book: The Long Halloween
Band: Massive Attack
Favorite Website: eBay